Hold On to Me

Alyssa flinched.

“Nothing else fits me right now. Okay, John? I’m in between sizes so I wear what I can at the moment.”

John’s eyes scanned the length of her swollen belly. “Alright, Alyssa,” he said softly, believing her. Shifting the truck out of park, he said, “Let’s get you some ice cold water when we get home.”

Reaching over, John couldn’t control himself when he grabbed her hand lacing his fingers through hers. He caressed Alyssa’s palm with his thumb, circling her heated skin. Surprising him, she leaned over and rested her head onto his shoulder, sighing. John let go of her hand and brought it to her face, cupping her face as he drove.

Rubbing her cheek, he said, “You’re burnin’ up.”

“Well, it is hot outside, Johnny.”

He loved it when she called him Johnny.

He wanted to argue with her and say that she could’ve called him or that she should have worn different pants, but he didn’t. John remembered what his father said about stressing pregnant women out. It was the last thing he wanted to do. Rolling onto his driveway, John put his truck in park then turned toward Alyssa. “How long do you have with me?”

“Not long … maybe two hours at most.”

John nodded. “Al

right let’s make the most of our time.”

Pushing open the front door, John walked into an empty home. His father had kept his word and took his brothers and mom out for lunch. Looking over his shoulder, he asked, “Hungry for some lunch?”

“I can always eat.”

John smiled. “Good. Follow me into the kitchen.” He pulled out a chair at the island for Alyssa. As she walked over, he couldn’t help but stare. Even with the sadness that lingered around her eyes, her skin was positively glowing and her hair looked like silk. He had the urge to run his fingers through it, but he held back. The jeans hugged her body and the tight shirt was low cut showing her beautifully larger chest. Either she was wearing a push-up bra or her boobs grew because his mouth began to water at the sight of her creamy, plump skin.

He went to the cabinet and reached for two plates, then the fridge and pulled out some cold cuts and condiments. He slapped two sandwiches together and handed her one. Alyssa dug into her sandwich before he did … and John grinned. He couldn’t help it, but seeing her eat like that made him feel good. He finished right before she did, but he was still hungry and assumed she was probably too.

“Thirsty?” Alyssa nodded, and he stood to pour two glasses of sweet tea. John decided that he would quickly whip up another two sandwiches for them.

He placed it in front of her and said, “You just devoured that sandwich in record time, I know you’re still hungry. Eat up.”

Alyssa blushed, embarrassed that she had eaten so fast in front of John. She hadn’t eaten much last night and definitely not this morning.

“Hey,” John said, “Don’t be shy about it. I want you to eat. You’re eating for two, remember?”

Alyssa took a sip of her sweet tea. “How could I forget? I’m getting fatter by the minute.”

His eyes darkened. “You’re not fat, Alyssa. You’re pregnant.”

Alyssa nodded and then took a bite of her sandwich. John was right, but hearing Ben call her names did something to her self-image. Words hurt. It was that simple. They planted deviant seeds in your brain that spread like wildfire, sinking deep and latching on to your most vulnerable part forcing you to believe them.

“Take a seat. You can sit on my bed if you want or the loveseat. Either one is yours.” John’s room was big enough for a small loveseat. As much as he wanted to be near her, he couldn’t. He wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off of her if he sat next to her. Her growing belly was adorable, he wanted to touch it.

“Should we just get straight to it since our time is limited?”

“Yes …” she answered quietly, sitting against his head board. John took the loveseat.

John blew out a breath first. She was probably going to say things that would tick him off. He needed to keep his emotions on lock down now. “I told you from the beginning Ben was no good. Did you think I was lying?”

Alyssa shook her head and shrugged her shoulders at the same time. “You’re right—he’s no good now, but at first he was the complete opposite,” she said quietly. “He was … my friend.”

“Why, Alyssa?” His voice dropped. “Why? How could you go and sleep with Ben? Or anyone for that matter?”

Alyssa took a deep breath and let it out, preparing herself for what was to come. “Let me get it all out before you say anything, okay?” John crossed his arms over his chest and nodded sternly. “Over the years, my mother always made me feel like she didn’t want me, like I was her biggest regret because she got pregnant at sixteen. She’d make comments about wishing she could redo parts of her life or how a baby changes everything. I hated it so much, even more so now that she kicked me out because all those years her words became true and the realization hurts. She finally had a reason to be rid of me since I’ve been nothing but an inconvenience all along. I know I should’ve been more careful, but she abandoned me like my father did.” John’s eyes softened. “Anyway, when my mom decided we were staying here and I had friends who wanted to be around me, it was a really good feeling. Things were finally going smoothly, my life was stable and I was happy. You made me feel so at ease, like I was worth having around. I felt wanted for once, because of you. I loved it, I loved being around you. Somewhere along the way we became more …” Alyssa swallowed, her heart heavy with regret.

“When Jace got in the accident, you turned cold and started drinking. You became a different person. I tried to be there for you as much as you would let me, but you pushed me away and hurt me multiple times. That feeling of being wanted that I longed for vanished. The names, your words, they hurt, especially coming from you because I cared for you way more than I wanted to. I tried to ignore it since I knew you were in a dark place, but you kept pushing at me. Ben was always so nice, and knowing you guys always had tension between each other, I knew sleeping with Ben would hurt you the way you hurt me. So I did.” Looking at the ceiling, Alyssa blew out a breath. “It was such a stupid, idiotic thing to do. I want to say I regret it, but then I would be like my mother because I would regret this baby, and I just can’t. I don’t …”