Hold On to Me

“But you expect me,” he said with his hand flat against his chest, “to allow you to play house with my kid just because I’m stationed outside of South Fork? You’re delusional if you think for one second that I would ever allow that. Do you love him?”

“What?”

“Do you love him? It’s an easy question. Yes or no.”

It was a no brainer for her.

“No,” she whispered. Alyssa didn’t love Ben. She liked Ben, lusted after him even though she shouldn’t considering how he treated her at times. But love? No, Alyssa didn’t love Ben.

Striding over to the bed, John climbed up and placed his hands on her jean covered knees. Looking deep into her eyes for a right answer, he asked, “But if you don’t love Ben, why are you with him? Please explain it to me.”

She looked down. “It’s complicated.”

“It’s complicated,” John repeated between a huff and a laugh. “Try me.”

Alyssa raised her head and looked deep into John’s dark green eyes. God, how she wanted to open up to John. She wanted to tell him the truth, but she couldn’t take the chance. In just a few short days he wou

ld be leaving again, and she’d be stuck in South Fork with Ben and no one to turn to.

Rolling her bottom lip between her teeth, Alyssa was apprehensive. But it wasn’t about her now. It was about the baby she was carrying. So she did what she needed to protect her baby.

“I can’t. I wish I could, but I can’t. I’m sorry. Please try to understand me.”

John’s jaw was set tight. “You can’t? Or you won’t? How can I understand you if you won’t tell me anything.”

Alyssa shook her head.

“I’m going to ask you a question, and Alyssa, for both our sakes, you better tell me the truth. Okay?”

Alyssa’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Do you promise to tell me the truth?”

“I can’t promise, but I’ll promise to try. You’ve been gone for months, Johnny. I’m sorry, but things have changed.” She pleaded with her eyes praying he would understand.

“Alright … I’ll take it. How did you get that bruise on your leg?”

Alyssa’s heart dropped into the pit of her stomach. She averted her gaze. Of all questions, why did he have to ask that? She should have been more careful with covering the marks up.

Staring at the floor, she said in a broken whisper, “I fell.”

John leaned back. “Fuck,” he mumbled under his breath.

She was lying. He knew she was.

“Please don’t lie to me,” he said, staring at his comforter. “I know you didn’t fall. What could you have possibly fallen on to get that mark? Is that why you’re wearing jeans today? To cover up the bruise?”

“I fell,” she repeated.

“Right,” he drawled.

“You don’t get to ask me questions after you disappeared, John. That’s not how it works.”

“Yes the fuck it does if you’re being abused. Especially if you’re pregnant.”

“What does it matter to you,” she yelled. “You’re going to leave again anyway!”

Alyssa scooted off his bed and began pacing John’s bedroom, the carpet so soft and cool against her feet. Her belly felt tight, the stress of her life now weighing on her stomach.