Hold On to Me

Chuckling, John said, “Well at the time she wasn’t his girlfriend! Geeze Alyssa, what kind of guy do you take me for,” he joked as if he was hurt. “They actually hadn’t seen each other in almost ten years and they weren’t together at that time. Long story … but she’s a doctor so she may be able to help. At least maybe find the resources for us.”

“She’s the one he writes his music about.”

He looked at her. “You remember?”

“I do. Can I ask you a question?”

John nodded.

“If this baby doesn’t come back to be yours, you’re just going to up and leave again, aren’t you?” Just asking the question had her jaw quivering. Her heart ached with the realization that John may not come back to her. She wasn’t sure if she could handle it again.

“It’s hard to say, Alyssa. That’s the God’s honest truth. I don’t want to lie to you and say no and then not be here for months.”

She glanced at the truck floor, not wanting to see that he was actually telling her the truth. Sometimes lies were much easier to accept than reality. Alyssa respected John and the fact that he was honest with her, but she almost wished he hadn’t been. Then at least she’d have something to hold on to.

“Let’s just see what we can do and go from there, okay?”

Alyssa shook her head, wiping the tear that slid down her cheek. Damn pregnancy hormones.

“Hey,” he said softly, placing a finger under her chin, “Don’t cry. We’ll figure this out. Okay? It might take some time, but we will. Promise.”

John had no fucking clue how he was going to make this happen, but he was going to try his damndest to. This wasn’t where it ended for them.

“Now let me ask you what you asked me. If this baby isn’t mine, are you going to stay with Ben?”

Alyssa stared into John’s ivy green eyes, wishing to God that she could take

back that night and the ones after with Ben. She’d been so weak, just like her mother, the one person she didn’t want to end up like.

The next thirty days were going to be the longest of her life. John had left early yesterday morning, but she didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.

Even so, she shouldn’t be counting on much once Johnny returned. At nineteen years old, her life was a colossal mess. She should’ve been starting her third year of college, meeting new friends, going to parties, having the time of her life.

But nope. Here she was, unhappy, pregnant, and so, so alone in small town USA. If walls could talk … well right now they’d have nothing to say because she was always alone. The only time they could talk was if Ben was home, but they’d be too scared to pipe in then. Alyssa rubbed her growing tummy. How on earth could she have gotten pregnant? Well, she knew how, but it was still so shocking even after five months. She couldn’t believe she was pregnant at nineteen.

What a predicament she was in.

In two short weeks she would find out the baby’s sex. It was the one thing she was looking forward to. Ben didn’t want to know, but she did. Hell, Ben didn’t even seem to want to know her at times.

Ben. Alyssa sighed inwardly. What happened to him?

At first he played dirty for her and she fell for it like so many other girls had. He was the typical bad boy girls wanted. The one they were told to stay away from: Dangerous, with a dark air of control and sensuality. The one that didn’t give a fuck and did what he wanted. The one that was edgy and reckless, but hot as hell that beckoned girls with a sideways glance. She liked that he wanted her, but also that John wanted her. She liked feeling wanted. It was all fun and games until one of them got hurt.

But it wasn’t just one.

Two were hurt and feeling the repercussions of each other’s actions.

This wasn’t how things were supposed to be.

Another loud sigh erupted from her throat. Glancing down at her watch, she saw it was getting close to dinner time. The last thing she wanted to do was make dinner for Ben, who seemed to either love what she made or hate it with a passion. It was rare she did much right. But what did he expect from someone her age? Shaking her head, she stood from the couch and made her way to the kitchen.

She might not be far in her pregnancy, but her feet were aching. So she tried to make her night easy and just made pasta with some jar sauce …

Which is what she regretted cooking the moment Ben walked in the front door.

“What’s that smell?” he asked with a scowl.

Playing nicely, Alyssa walked up and kissed his scruffy cheek. The stale stench of Marlboro cigarettes made her cringe. “Pasta,” she said with a faux smile. “I put some garlic bread in the oven, too.”