Hold On to Me

Ben stood eerily slow. He took three long strides and was in her face. He gripped her arm hard and she winced, leaning away from him. Pinching the cigarette between his fingers, he blew the smoke in her face. She gagged, turning her head.

She immediately regretted those words when she watched him lift his lit cigarette above her arm and bring the cherry colored fiery crystals down on her skin. She screamed as he held her, his musty breath invading her senses as he burned her. “You still think you can run? Cause I got plenty more where this came from.”

She shook her head rapidly, tears streaming down her cheeks. “No,” she said quietly. “Please, stop.”

“That’s what I thought, whore.” And then he pushed her onto the bed. That day she learned to never open her mouth again.

They were lying on the couch watching a movie, him spooning her from behind when he apologized quietly in her ear for his actions. Ben had been exceptionally sweet to her that evening, accommodating her and rubbing her belly while on the couch.

Alyssa blamed Ben’s upbringing for his ways. People didn’t act the way he did unless they were exposed to it.

One night while Ben was being empathetic, he opened up about his childhood, his absentee mom, and how his alcoholic father took his anger and frustration out on Ben for his mother leaving them. His father blamed Ben, telling him that he was unlovable and that nobody wanted him. Maybe it was her hormones acting crazy, but she actually felt for him. All the times he lashed out on her were because it was how he was raised. She wasn’t making excuses for him, but it made sense in a way. He’d grown up in a world of violence and without any love. No child should ever be made to feel that way, and she was going to make damn sure hers didn’t.

It was why she was packing her stuff and leaving.

Alyssa stuck what she could in her backpack, clothes and a few baby items she had purchased.

Material possessions could be replaced, she could not.

As much as Alyssa wanted to give Ben a chance to change his ways, she couldn’t any longer. Some people were capable of change, but she truly believed he wasn’t. He had shown his true colors one too many times and she wasn’t going to be his punching bag anymore, because the next time he could hit her stomach and she would lose her baby. It was a risk she wasn’t willing to take.

Today was the last time he was going to have the chance to bri

ng her down.

Today, she was no longer weak.

“There are plenty of places I could hurt you that no one would see.”

Alyssa cringed remembering the disgusting odor of beer on his lips as he pulled her hair from behind and spat those words.

No more.

She debated with herself about what to do. She couldn’t go home to her mother because she kicked her out when she found the hidden pregnancy test. That was a heartbreaking moment in her life. She understood her mother, but to kick out her only child? Then again it’s what happened to Lauren when she became pregnant at sixteen; she’d been kicked out too. It was the sole reason why she ran to Ben. The one person she had found stability in had up and left her without a word.

Alyssa could hitch hike back to Cali in hopes of her gypsy like father would take her in. Or she could go to a shelter. There weren’t many options for her to choose from unfortunately.

Though, she did have one option left. It was a drastic choice, but one she was seriously considering—and soon—before Ben showed up.

It had taken her twenty-five minutes to trek through town. She took side streets, weaved in and out of backyards, ducked behind cars and ran as fast as she could. Well, it was more like power walking because of her growing belly, but she did it. She was finally free. Another few minutes and she would be there.

Slowing down, Alyssa caught her breath as she walked. She prayed she wouldn’t be turned away, and if she wasn’t, she was going to ask for the biggest glass of water she could have. She was sweating, probably due to fear and paranoia of being caught. It didn’t help that she was covered from head to toe in denim and long sleeves to hide the bruising on her fair skin. The only place she didn’t have any marks was her stomach.

Removing the sunglasses, she tucked them into the front of her shirt and wiped the sweat from her nose and under her eyes. Then she took off Ben’s ball cap, threw it to the ground and wiped back her loose strands of hair. Another few feet and Alyssa was home free.

She hoped.

Emotions took over as she stepped onto the driveway. Looking at the ground, Alyssa’s blurry eyes tried to make out the tiny pebbles. This was really her only chance.

Taking a deep breath, she exhaled and adjusted the backpack. The straps were digging into her shoulders, the weight causing her to arch her back even more. She was sweating everywhere and in dire need of air conditioning.

It was now or never. Raising her fist, Alyssa brought her hand down on the door.

“Please, help me,” she begged when the door swung open. A set of aged green eyes stared back at her in shock, scanning the length of her body and then ushering her inside.

“Thank you so much for the water.” Alyssa said. “May I have another glass, please?”

“Of course. Just drink it slowly, honey. You downed that first glass.” Alyssa reached for the glass as soon as it was placed on the countertop and sipped it. When she finally felt somewhat hydrated, she placed it on the counter and looked up.