Mr Spencer (Mr. 2)

I shrug. “I don’t know.”

“Did she remind you?”

“No.”

“Did she freak out after?”

“No.” I shake my head.

“Fucking hell.” Masters rolls his eyes. “I thought you said she was all pure and wholesome. Surely she would have thought of this.”

“Ah.” I point to them. “She isn’t pure at all, though. She’s as fucking dirty as I am and she didn’t even know it.” I run both of my hands through my hair. “Give it a few months and she will be running rings around me, I’m telling you. She loves it.”

“Or waddling like Bree with a huge pregnant baby bump.” Masters smirks.

Seb interrupts us with his search results. “Okay. It says here that a woman is most fertile at the age of twenty-four.”

My eyes widen in horror. “Charlotte is twenty-five” I gasp.

“Oh fuck, you’re doomed.”

Masters laughs again. “What’s the problem, anyway? I thought you said she was perfect?”

“She is.”

“So…” Seb frowns. “Masters is right, what is the problem?”

“I can’t have a kid. I only just got my first girlfriend. I can’t even have a dog yet.”

“You’re thirty-seven, Spence,” Seb says, deadpan.

I put my head into my hands. “It’s just a fucking number, okay! And you sound like my mother.”

“When is her period due?” Masters asks.

“I don’t know.”

“When did she have her last one?”

“I don’t know.” I look between them. “Should I know this?”

“Uh, yes.” They both look at me as if I’m stupid. “You should definitely know this.”

I think on it. “She definitely hasn’t had one since we’ve been having sex.” I shrug. “I know that much for sure.”

“How long has that been?”

“Umm.” I frown and try to remember. “About three weeks or so. Maybe longer.”

“Which means she’s probably due around about now,” Masters tells me.

“Has she been feisty over the last few days?” Seb asks.

My eyes widen. “Yes.” I point to him. “Very fucking feisty, in fact. She threatened to bury me under my house and all.”

They both laugh. “You’re safe,” Masters tells me just as our breakfast arrives.

We all thank the waitress when she puts our meals in front of us.