Our Way

He scribbles some notes and looks up at me. “This is around the time you broke up with Robert, yes?”

I nod. “That’s right. Like two months later or something.”

“Tell me about her.”

I raise my eyebrows. Where do I start? “She is goofy, clumsy, and she can’t cross the street without nearly getting herself run over. She loses her phone and keys all the time.” I think for a moment. “She has the most beautiful dimples when she smiles; her whole face lights up.” I pause for a moment as I picture her. “She’s a great cook. The best, actually.” I smile wistfully. “I have leftovers for lunch every day.” I twist my fingers in my lap as I try to think of something else to say. “She writes in a diary every night and sometimes, when she’s in the shower, I read it.”

Elliot rests his hand on his chin as he listens.

“She has the purest heart of anyone I’ve ever met.” I drop my head. “She puts everyone else’s needs before her own, especially mine.” I smile sadly. “She’s a pediatric nurse.”

“Nathan,” Elliot says quietly. “Why is your attraction to her so abhorrent to you?”

My eyes meet his. “Because she is everything to me. I can’t lose her.” My heart constricts in my chest. “Just the thought of not having her by my side is…”

“Why do you think you would lose her?”

“We’re not… it’s never been like that between us.” I frown. “She doesn’t think of me like that and…”

“And what?’

“I’m a lot to handle… sexually.”

“How so?”

“I like it rough. My appetite is insatiable. And I’m…” My voice trails off.

“You’re what?”

“Large.”

He frowns as he listens intently.

“She’s very…” I frown as I search for the right word. “Fragile.”

“You don’t think the two of you would be sexually compatible?”

“No, and if we ever crossed that line and it didn’t work out, we could never go back to where we are.”

“You’re happy where you are now?”

I smile softly. “Waking up next to her is the best part of my day.”

“I see.” Elliot begins to scribble on his paper.

“So… how do I turn this off? It can’t happen again.”

“I don’t think I can help you, Nathan.”

“Why not?” My eyes search his.

“Because I’m of the opinion that you may be in love with Eliza.”

“What?” I snap. “That’s ridiculous.”

“Is it?”

I stare at him as my pulse begins to sound in my ears.