Our Way

“Her back was sore, so I offered her a massage. I shouldn’t have. I knew before I started that it was a bad idea. I knew it was wrong.”

“It’s not wrong to offer a massage to a friend, Nathan.”

“It is when the sole purpose of it is to feel their body.”

“You wanted to feel Eliza?”

I nod and close my eyes in regret. “More than anything.”

“What happened?”

“I massaged her and then…” I think back to how she felt beneath my hands, and I feel my arousal creeping in again.

Fuck. Stop it.

“Go on, Nathan.”

“We laid on our sides, and my hands were all over her body.”

“What did she do?”

“She told me not to stop.”

He frowns. “So, your fears may be unwarranted?”

My eyes flick to him. “My fears?”

“That she wouldn’t want to be sexual with you?”

“I know that I can get her to want me… sexually,” I stammer. “At least once. That’s not my concern.”

“What’s your concern?”

“That the sex won’t be what I think it will be.”

He nods. “You’re worried you won’t like heterosexual intercourse.”

“What happens then? What do I tell her? Sorry, I tried you out but we don’t fit?”

“And you think that will be what ends your friendship?”

“One hundred percent. Or maybe I won’t please her.” I shrug. “I have no idea how to please a woman. I could be a huge disappointment to her.”

“This is true. You could.”

I run my hands through my hair in despair. The thought sickens me. “I hate this,” I whisper angrily. “I hate feeling like this.”

“Yes, let’s talk about that. How are you feeling?”

“Like I’m about to explode. I’ve never wanted anyone that I can’t have before.”

“And being bisexual is confusing?”

I screw up my face in disgust. “I’m not bisexual.”

“What do you think a bisexual person is, Nathan?”

“Somebody who has sex with anything.”