To Love Again

she had provoked him on both those occasions. And that afterwards Lucas had acted as if

nothing unusual had happened. He probably just put it down as a further step in her education

on his part!

‘I don’t know what Lucas ever saw in you!’ she choked, her nails digging into her palms.

Marsha’s mouth twisted. ‘Give yourself another fen years or so and you’ll know,’ she

mocked.

‘Sex isn’t everything!’ Christi denied in a pained voice.

Marsha gave a derisive shrug. ‘With a man like Lucas, it isn’t nothing, either.’

Christi swallowed the nausea that rose up in her throat at the thought of Lucas with this

woman. ‘How fortunate for him that he’s become more discriminating over the years!’ she bit out

with distaste.

Marsha was completely in control again now, her brief show of anger masked behind

mockery. ‘Has he?’ she challenged softly.

She could feel the colour drain completely out of her cheeks. Marsha couldn’t be saying—

Lucas wouldn’t—he couldn’t But Lucas had cared for this woman once, had children with

her, and it had never been his decision to end their marriage. Despite his bitterness about

the way things had ended between them, Lucas had never once claimed to hate his ex-wife

for what she had done.

Lucas and Marsha...

Christi readily admitted that during this last week, the man she had thought she had

known for the last four years had seemed like a stranger to her at times, a man who looked

like Lucas but who certainly didn’t act like him. Would his having an affair with Marsha be any

more difficult to comprehend than the occasions he had taken her into his arms the last week?

Lucas and Marsha...

Oh, God, she didn’t want to believe that! This woman entwining her body around his

like a sensuous cat

‘We always were pretty explosive in bed together,’ Marsha taunted softly at Christi’s obvious

growing horror. ‘Why don’t you ask him? No, I don’t suppose you’ll do that, will you?’ she

derided with mockery. ‘If it’s any consolation, Christi, you could never hope to keep a man like Lucas

satisfied.’

Christi wanted to wipe the knowing smile off the other woman’s red-painted lips, wanted to

deny the hurtful claim. But Lucas hadn’t wanted her enough, on either of the occasions she had

been in his arms, to lose his icy control and make love to her.

Oh, God, a week ago her life had been tranquil and secure, even if the man she was

in love with had never been able to return those feelings. Now she wasn’t sure what she and

Lucas had any more, and he seemed to be involved with this—this

‘You really are so transparent.’ Marsha gave a husky laugh. ‘Maybe Lucas should have

done you both a favour and put you out of your misery years ago; a brief affair would certainly

have been kinder than fending off your adolescent devotion with brotherly affection all these

years,’ she dismissed in a bored voice.

Lucas didn’t know how she felt about him, he couldn’t know! Why couldn’t he? a

voice murmured inside her; this woman seemed to have had no trouble guessing at her love for

him! Oh God!

‘Marsha, I thought I heard ‘ Lucas broke off frowningly as he saw the two of them

standing together in the doorway. He finished tying the belt to his robe as he straightened

questioningly. ‘Christi,’ he greeted lightly.

Christi felt as if he had struck her a blow. Lucas was obviously naked beneath the

bathrobe, and he had walked into the room to be with his ex-wife dressed that way, his

hair still damp from the shower he had just taken.

Marsha had been telling the truth about that. And Christi had a sinking feeling that

the other woman had been telling the truth about a lot of other things, too.

Her head went back defensively. ‘I was just on my way out.’ Amazingly, her voice

didn’t tremble and shake as she had feared it would! ‘And I just thought I would let you know

I’ve found a job.’

‘That’s great,’ he said with genuine pleasure.

‘Yes,’ she agreed tersely, keeping her gaze averted from his dark masculinity. ‘I didn’t

realise at the time that I would be interrupting anything ‘

‘But ‘

‘I really do have to go now, Lucas,’ she continued brittly as he would have

interrupted. ‘I hope you both have a nice evening,’ she added tautly, turning away.

‘But, Christi -----’

‘Leave her alone, Lucas, ’ Marsha chided throatily. ‘Can’t you see the poor girl has

more on her mind than talking to us?’

Christi heard the door close softly behind her, and she didn’t need to turn to know

that both Marsha and Lucas were still on the other side of it. She couldn’t allow herself to

think what they would be doing in a couple of minutes from now! Marsha was wrong, very

wrong; the only thing Christi had on her mind was Lucas and her. Together.

She closed her eyes, tears squeezing out between the lids.

She would have to keep to that decision she had made on Wednesday about moving. She

couldn’t go on living here now that Lucas was seeing Marsha, now that she knew he had

realised all the time that she was in love with him.

She felt so humiliated. So hurt. So betrayed.

She hadn’t been able to help loving Lucas. But he was so much older than her, so

much wiser, couldn’t he have found some way over the years to let her know, gently, that he

realised how she felt but that there could be no future for them? Maybe she was being unfair, the

onus hadn’t been on Lucas to deal with the problem at all, but on her. She had always known

there could never be anything between them, she had just refused to accept it.

Well, now she accepted it! She loved Lucas, but her feelings were an embarrassment to

him. She couldn’t change the way she felt about him, she doubted she would ever be able

to do that, but she could remove the embarrassment, herself, from his life.

Christi had wanted so badly to get out of her date for this evening, she had telephoned

Dizzy to ask for David Kendrick’s telephone number, only to find, when she called his home,

that David wasn’t at home to answer her repeated calls, but seemingly out for the day.

She looked terrible, and she felt even worse. She had crept quietly back into her

apartment last night, so that neither Lucas nor Marsha should realise she was hiding away like a

wounded animal rather than going out as they had expected her to do.

She had heard the other couple leaving just after nine o’clock. Finally, she’d been able to

move about freely, yet she’d still been sitting dazedly in an armchair when she had heard

Lucas’s return. She’d given a nervous start when his gentle knock had sounded on the door,

instantly silencing Henry with a raised warning finger, as he would have barked excitedly at the

familiar knock.

She had trembled when Lucas had called to her softly through the closed door,

knocking again, a little louder this time, almost as if he’d sensed her watchfulness behind the

wooden barrier. Again she’d silenced Henry, waiting tensely for the sound of Lucas going to

his own apartment, her breath leaving her body in a shaky sigh when he had fi nally done so.

Christi hadn’t dreamt such misery existed; not even her regrets after Tuesday evening

had been as bad as this raw pain. The last thing she wanted was to move away from Lucas,

but what if his relationship with Marsha deepened, became serious? What if they decided to

remarry? Lucas had left his apartment shortly before David called for her, and she could only guess

that his companion for the evening was Marsha. Oh, God, just the thought of them together.. .

Her deep sigh of despair didn’t go unnoticed by her companion. David smiled

enquiringly. He was a tall, dark-haired man with laughing blue eyes and a lithe attraction which

must have set many female hearts fluttering over the years. And which left Christi unmoved.

‘Penny for them?’ he encouraged at her silence. She gave a wan smile. ‘I’m afraid they

aren’t even worth that,’ she dismissed wearily. ‘I’m sorry I’m not better company. I did try to

call you today to cancel our dinner date, but ‘

‘I’ve been out of town,’ he nodded comprehendingly. ‘I spent the day with Dizzy and

Zach.’

‘What?’ That shook her out of her despondency. If David had been in the Lake District

with Dizzy and Zach when she’d called, then Dizzy had deliberately not told her so! And she

didn’t need two guesses why; Dizzy had obviously guessed that the reason she wanted David’s

number had been because she wanted to cancel their date. And she had effectively balked her

plans.

Damn Dizzy and her matchmaking! But for her friend’s interference, she needn’t have put

David or herself through the unnecessary awkwardness of tonight. Although, she had to

admit, David didn’t seem too disturbed by her lack of enthusiasm for the evening. And she

didn’t for one moment believe it was a reaction he usually got from his dates. He was the sort

of man to have women flocking around him, not the sort who had to try and cajole one

insipidly reluctant woman into having a good time! She readily admitted she wasn’t looking her

best tonight; the strain of the last week was beginning to tell on her, obvious by the dark