To Love Again

sympathy.

She felt sure he would mention something about it when he told her he was having the

children on Saturday, a move from the normal weekend he was allowed every month. But, other

than inviting her to join them at the coast for the day, he said nothing.

Christi enjoyed Robin and Daisy’s company; she couldn’t fault the polite, fun-loving children

Marsha had brought them up to be, and was easily able to understand Lucas’s dilemma when it had

come to custody of them and he had realised they would be happier with their mother.

But he couldn’t stil feel that way, Christi thought as she watched Lucas building

sandcastles with the two children. Their relationship was unmis takable—Robin, a seven-

year-old version of his father, Daisy, a feminine version of Lucas, too, obviously going to be a

beauty in the years to come. She was sure Lucas couldn’t bear the idea of giving their upbringing

into another man’s care. They were such adorable children, so spontaneously affectionate,

that she just wanted to take them home so that Lucas could have them with him always. And

she knew he had to feel the same way; she hadn’t missed the sadness in his eyes, when he

thought no one was looking, as he gazed at his children.

‘Will you come and help me, Christi?’ Daisy asked in her shy little voice, standing in

front of Christi with her bucket and spade, a little frill around the bottom of her

flowered bathing costume. ‘Daddy and Robin have challenged us to a sandcastle contest.’

‘Of course I’ll help you.’ She reached up to hug the little girl, her breath catching in her

throat as she saw Lucas watching them steadily, pain etched into his face. Christi gazed back

at him over the top of Daisy’s silky head, wanting to reach out and hug him too, hating that

deep-down sadness about him that not even spending an unexpected day with his children

could erase. Because he wanted them for much more than a day! But she was sure neither of

the children noted their father’s distracted mood, they were simply loving their day at the

beach. The only note of discord came on the drive back to their mother’s house.

‘Will Mummy and Uncle Julian be home yet?’ Robin asked sleepily from the back seat.

Christi’s breath was drawn sharply into her lungs, and she glanced anxiously at Lucas,

her heart aching at the naked pain in his eyes. She longed to reach out to him, to reassure

him with her touch, but if she did that she would be letting him know she had been aware all

along of Marsha’s plans to remarry. And that would probably hurt him more than telling her

about it himself! So she remained quiet, unmoving, her hands clenched tightly in her lap.

‘I should think so, Robin,’ his father answered lightly. ‘They just had some—

arrangements to see to today,’ he excused, his grim expression in no way reflected in his casual

tone.

‘Do you like Uncle Julian, Daddy?’ Daisy asked with the innocence of youth, having no

idea that the idly put question had caused her father’s hands to tighten fiercely on the steering

wheel.

‘Daisy!’ Robin hissed beside his sister.

‘Well, I only asked,’ Daisy told him defensively, a telltale quiver to her voice at this rebuke

from her secretly admired older brother.

‘Well, you shouldn’t have done,’ Robin continued to chastise. ‘Don’t you know

‘Hey, come on, kids,’ Lucas chided lightly. ‘Let’s not have an argument about this, all right?

I don’t really know Uncle Julian, Daisy, ’ he gently answered her question. ‘So I don’t

know whether or not I like him. I think the important thing is, do you and Robin like him?’

Christi turned away to look out of the side windows, blinking back the tears that

threatened to fall. This was only the start for Lucas; it could only get worse as the other

man became a permanent fixture in his children’s lives.

‘He’s all right,’ Robin dismissed moodily. ‘At least he doesn’t talk to me as if I’m a baby.’

‘And he sometimes reads me my bedtime story,’ Daisy added with satisfaction.

This time Christi couldn’t prevent it, the action was purely instinctive; she reached

blindly for Lucas’s hand, the tears falling unashamedly down her cheeks now.

But her vision cleared just as Lucas ’s hand clasped hers, naked agony in Lucas’s

eyes as he briefly met her gaze.

Daisy had only been just over a year old when her parents’ marriage had broken up,

had grown up with the knowledge that as far as she was concerned her mummy and daddy

had always lived apart; she would have the least trouble adapting to another man in her

mother’s life. Whereas Robin had been a little older, two and a half, and still remembered the

joy of being a real family, which made him slightly resent the intrusion of another man in his

father’s place. But he wasn’t openly antagonistic towards Julian Holland as a stepfather, which

meant he, too, would adapt, in time.

Lucas was the one who would never be able to accept the other man’s usurpation of

his place in his children’s lives.

‘That’s nice,’ Lucas answered his daughter gruffly.

‘Although he doesn’t do it as well as you do, Daddy,’ Daisy assured him guilelessly.

Lucas briefly squeezed Christi’s hand, as if thanking her for her support, before

returning his own hand back to the steering wheel. ‘Give him a chance, poppet,’ he told his

daughter lightly. ‘Uncle Julian isn’t quite used to being around little children yet; he’ll learn.’

‘That’s what I said—ouch!’ Daisy let out a yell as her brother obviously meted out

retribution for her thoughtlessness. ‘That hurt,’ she said tearfully.

‘Robin!’ Lucas reproved sternly.

‘Sorry,’ his son muttered moodily. ‘But sometimes Daisy can be such a

‘That will be enough, Robin,’ his father told him firmly. ‘I—Uncle Julian is going to be in your

lives from now on, so you might as well accept that.’

‘But don’t you care that—that

‘Of course I care, Robin.’ Lucas’s voice was harsher than he would have wished,

Christi knew, for the subject was one that had to be handled with extreme delicacy. ‘But we have

no choice but to accept that your mother loves Uncle Julian, that she wants him in her life.

And consequently that means he’s in your lives, too.’ His tone had gentled.

‘I’ll always be your daddy, you’ll always be able to come to me if you have a problem.’

‘Couldn’t we come and live with you?’ Robin asked petulantly.

Christi stopped breathing altogether. This was far from the perfect place for a

father and his children to be having this conversation, but unfortunately Lucas hadn’t been able

to choose the time and place, but had to answer his children’s uncertainties as they came up.

Nevertheless, Christi felt as if she were intruding on something that was just too private to be

witnessed by what amounted to an outsider. She wished she could just disappear i n t o t h e

n i g h t , t r y i n g t o m a k e h e r s e l f a s inconspicuous as possible.

A nerve pulsed in Lucas’s cheek. ‘And what would Mummy do then?’ he pointed out

gently. ‘She loves you very much, you know.’

‘I know,’ Robin accepted carelessly. ‘But she has Uncle Julian now, and you don’t have

anyone.’ There was no arguing with logic like that, and Christi wondered what Lucas’s answer

would be. ‘I have my friends, Robin,’ he told his son softly. ‘Like Aunty Christi?’ Daisy put in

brightly. ‘Like Aunty Christi,’ Lucas nodded abruptly. ‘But she doesn’t live with you ... Does she

... ?’

Robin frowned his uncertainty.

‘You know she doesn’t,’ his father reproved. ‘But she’s at your apartment a lot,’ Daisy

chimed in pertly.

‘That’s the way friends are, Daisy,’ Lucas told her gently.

‘Uncle Julian is going to live with us,’ Daisy frowned.

‘That’s because he and your mother love each other,’ Lucas said harshly.

‘Don’t you love Aunty Christi?’ His daughter looked puzzled.

‘Of course I love Aunty Christi,’ Lucas replied patiently. ‘I told you, we’re friends, and friends

care about each other.’

‘But

‘Stop being silly, Daisy,’ her brother rebuked scoffingly. ‘Heather is my friend, but I’m not

going to marry her!’ His tone left no doubt as to what he thought of that idea concerning his

schoolfriend!

‘I’m not silly,’ Daisy protested rebelliously. ‘You’re the one that’s silly. You

‘I said no arguments, children,’ Lucas put in softly. ‘We’re almost home, and we don’t

want your mother to think you haven’t enjoyed your day at the beach, do we?’ he lightly

chided.

Christi had no doubt that the idea would please Marsha immensely! The other woman made

her so angry, having no compunction in changing Lucas’s plans to be with his children whenever it

suited her, but quite wil ing to use him as the wil ing babysitter he obviously was whenever it fell in