Sleeping with the Enemy (An Enemies to Lovers Collection)

So, I did what any normal person—anyone with a heart who doesn’t want to hurt her family—would do. I swallowed, pushed, shoved, and stomped it down into non-existence. I guess delaying it was just putting off the inevitable, as some people say.

I should have known there would always come a time when rational thought failed me, and I just had the evidence of a mad sensation that bubbled to the top and made me do something entirely and utterly spontaneous because it would no longer be denied or suppressed.

I want to ask Hal what we should do, but I don’t.

I’m still amazed at what happened back there at his office. Not so much the facts of who he is, who I am, and all the stuff in the middle of that, but just the whole, well, orgasm thing.

He said something at the beginning about me never having had one.

Of course I’ve had orgasms. Jeez. I’m twenty-five. I just…I guess I haven’t really ever had one with anyone else before. Sure, I can give them to myself, but no one else has ever mastered the trick. I don’t know if I just became nervous at first and then talked myself out of it and forever thought I was broken in the big O department or something, but I knew my bits worked fine because I could make it happen in my bed, on my own, when I had the time and patience. Not to say it always required that. There were a few times when the old Hal-inspired frustration arose, in which case, it didn’t take so long.

I feel like I’m going to burn up right on the spot for thinking about that, especially when he’s sitting so close to me. I swear, I can still smell myself on him. Or maybe on me. It’s not like we took the time to shower after whatever we did.

No, we made a fast break out of the office and jumped in my car, both of us flushed and breathing heavily like a pair of naughty teenagers.

Hal was right about how stealing added quite a bit more fun, but I’m never saying it out loud. I won’t ever let him know I agree with something he’s said.

Anyway, he’s totally silent. He seems content and at ease, whereas I’m completely rigid, gripping the wheel like there’s a life or death storm raging around us, white-knuckled, stick up my butt, and pole shoved up my spine kind of straight.

Even if I had the right words, I wouldn’t try and talk to Hal about what just happened. Or what might happen. I feel like I’ve lost the battle, and I’ll lose anything beyond that too. The kiss last night undid years’ worth of control. It knocked down all my spite, hate, and forced dislike. And now, I’m just astonished at myself. I’m astonished I can feel so calm inside with the big crappy hurricane coming our way. I’m amazed I can feel flustered and shy but not regretful, and I’m also surprised there’s this gross little bit of hope brewing up inside of me, which makes me want to believe that maybe everyone would just give us a pass on this because we’re adults now. We both know what we want, and perhaps it would be nice to have Hal join the family for real.

Okay, I’m getting way the hell ahead of myself. I don’t even know what Hal actually wants. It might be that Hal just wants what every guy wants, and he might want it without strings, but I know Hal’s not like that. When Hal puts his mind to something, he makes it happen. He’s a hard worker, he’s honest, and he’s got a good heart. He would never, ever lay a finger on me and risk his friendship with my brother and family unless he really meant it.

I grip the wheel a little tighter, relieved the bank is just up ahead. Soon, I can stumble out of the car and give myself some air and space, even if it’s just a few paces. I almost debate unrolling the window just so I can breathe, but that would look funny, and I don’t want to look like I’m unraveling inside even though the thread was pulled a long time ago.

Or, if I refer to the fire analogy, I feel like this was the spark everyone said could start a wildfire which could burn and burn and burn and burn and go out of control, devouring everything in its path. I know I have to be careful because I don’t want to be a wildfire. I don’t want to hurt anyone, and neither does Hal.

I know, I know, this is a complete reversal in thought pattern and a big change-up, but I always saw it coming. I knew I couldn’t hold out forever.