Cruel Saints

God, he won’t even allow me to escape the sight of him.

Knowing I have no choice, I do as he says, and the sight of him leering down at me makes bile push up my throat.

I swallow hard while he thrusts relentlessly into my mouth, shafting my lips.

And it becomes unbearably real.

It’s revolting.

Inhumane.

Soul-crushing.

A vital piece of me dies as Dante finds his release, coating the back of my tongue and throat. I swallow hard on the last of my dignity… and then I’m left with what feels like an empty shell.

The last of the light dims, and darkness pours into me until it’s all I am.

I shoot up from the bed, and not recognizing my surroundings, I at least spot the bathroom. Darting off the bed, I rush into it. I make it to the toilet just in time, and then my body convulses as I empty my stomach of its contents.

My mind swirls with traumatic flashes from my past.

My heart shrinks.

My soul withers a little more, and I wonder when it will just fade away.

“Elena,” I hear Lucian say, and when he places his hand on my back, I flinch.

He killed those men. Without a second thought.

It’s only a matter of time before he’ll either kill me or make my life an unbearable hell.

I try to reach for the lever wanting to flush the toilet, but I can’t get to it, and Lucian does it for me.

“Come,” he murmurs, and then he places his hands under my arms and pulls me to my feet. He helps me to a counter, and I bend over the sink. Opening the faucet, I rinse out my mouth with the cool water.

I feel feverish from the panic attack and memories haunting me and splash some water over my face.

Lucian hands me a towel, and as I pat my face dry, I step away from him. Now that I know what he’s capable of, every part of me is on high alert.

“Where am I?” I think to ask.

“A safe house.”

“How long… was I…” I can’t finish the sentence.

“Not long.”

Lucian cautiously takes a step closer to me, and I quickly shake my head. “Please don’t.”

Instead of ignoring my plea like Dante would’ve, Lucian holds his hands up in a surrendering gesture. “You’re safe.”

I’ll never be safe.

I shake my head. “Unless I give you a reason to kill me. Right? That’s what you said.”

Lucian lets out a heavy breath. “What do you expect of me, Elena?”

From the head of the Mafia?

Depraved cruelty. Death. Destruction.

“Nothing,” I whisper.

LUCIAN

I’m tired.

I’m struggling to keep the grief from overwhelming me, and Elena scared the fucking shit out of me with the panic attack she had. Today has pushed me to my limits, and right now, I have nothing left in me.

Walking past her, I mutter, “There’s food if you’re hungry. If not, you can sleep. The bedroom’s yours.”

As I reach the doorway, she pleads, “Let me go.”

I stop and suck in a deep breath. I’m trying to save her life, but still, she sees me as the devil.

Slowly, I turn to face her. Our eyes lock, and I say, “If I let you go, you’ll be dead before midnight. Is that what you want?” When she just stares at me, I ask, “Do you want to go back to Dante?”

This time I get a reaction, a flash of panic tightening her features, and it has me continuing, “You see me as a monster because I killed men who would’ve taken our lives the first chance they got. It was either them or us. Do you understand that?”

Elena nods and wets her lips before she says, “I don’t want any part of this world.”

Shaking my head, I take a step towards her. “You were born into it, little bird. There’s no other way out but death.”

Her features tighten with a desperate expression. “I never wanted this life.”

I let out a sigh. “It’s the only one you have. The sooner you make peace with it, the better.”

Lowering her eyes from mine, she looks down at the towel she’s wringing in her hands. “What do you plan to do with me?”

I don’t know.

When I don’t answer her, she glances up at me again, her eyes filled with the same horror as when I kissed her earlier.

God, was that today? So much has happened, I’ve lost track of time.

Wanting to give her some peace of mind, I say, “I’m not going to let you go. I won’t hurt you, and even though I said differently when we met, I won’t kill you.” I close the distance between us, and lifting my hands, I frame her face. “The safest place for you is by my side.” I lean down and press a kiss to her forehead. “Get some sleep.”

This time when I turn away from her, I walk out of the bathroom, needing some time for myself. I drop down on the couch and let out a sigh as I shrug out of my jacket. I unfasten the bulletproof vest and drop it on the coffee table, and then I lean back and close my eyes.