Marx Girl

Fifteen hours later.

“You ready to go, babe?” Eric asks as he comes into my bedroom. His eyes light up when he sees me dressed up. “You look gorgeous.” He grins.

I glance down at my fitted, coffee-coloured silk dress that has delicate spaghetti straps, and push out a smile.

I’ve hardly slept all night and I feel like shit. I don’t even want to go to the wedding today.

Damn Ben is sitting heavily on my mind, and it’s annoying me no end.

Eric is on nightshift duty; he worked last night and then slept at his house this morning. I’ve had lots of time alone to think.

Not that I want to.

Eric’s working again tonight and leaving the wedding at 10:00 p.m. Because he has recently been promoted, he couldn’t really ask for time off.

I’m dreading him leaving early.

I’m dreading being alone with Ben… dreading the magnetic pull towards the bastard.

I don’t know who the hell he thinks he is turning up here, but I’m not falling for his shit.

I’m brought back to the moment when Eric gently kisses me on the cheek. I smile softly. He’s a good man, and I feel guilty about the fact that Ben is even in the same country.

My conscience tells me that that’s not a good sign.

Why do I feel so guilty?

I shouldn’t, but I do. Is that because my heart is traitorous?

Does it know something I don’t?

Eric is tall, dark, and handsome. He’s the perfect male specimen. He’s also a policeman and I met him around twelve months ago through Jesten. They have been good friends since meeting at the prison years ago. Where Ben is broody and non-verbose, Eric is the exact opposite. He’s an open book and he tells me everything, from what he ate for breakfast, to whom he locked up at work. I know his gym program, his phone calls, his bank balance, and everything in between. He is the most honest person I’ve ever met.

He told me he loved me last week. It killed me that I couldn’t say it back.

Why couldn’t I say it back?

We’ve been together for three months and I care for him, I do. I know I do.

I just need some time.

And then I see Ben and my whole world crashes down around me, and I have to stop myself from blurting out that I love him, or begging him to stay.

But Ben’s an asshole who doesn’t care for me at all.

What the hell is wrong with me?

“You know… I don’t feel so well. Let’s give today a miss,” I plead.

“Why don’t you want to go?” He frowns. “Is something wrong? That’s about the tenth excuse you’ve tried to get out of this.”

I shrug. “I do want to go.” I wrap my arms around him and rest my head on his shoulder. “But I also just want to stay in my bubble with you.”

Oh, God, I want to stay in Eric’s safe arms and not be tempted by the devil.

Eric smiles cheekily and kisses me softly. “Do you love me yet?”

I smile up at him. “You know how I feel about you.”

He smirks. “But you can’t say it.”

I shrug. “We just started dating, Eric.”

He kisses me again. “I know, but I knew I loved you on our third date.”

I smile softly. “Well, you’re stupid to give your heart away so easily. You should guard it more carefully.”

“It wasn’t stupid. I gave it to you.”

My eyes search his and tears threaten to fall. He deserves so much better than a girlfriend who has been thinking about another man all night.

He frowns. “Hey, what’s wrong?” He brushes my hair back from my forehead as he studies my face.

I shrug. “Nothing.” I shake my head as I try to think of an excuse. “I just have really, really bad PMS” I whisper over the lump of guilt in my throat.

He laughs, and spins me ‘round before he pushes me back onto the bed. “I’d better get in quick then before the painters come to town.”

He lies down on top of me and I look up at him. “Too late, the painters are already in town,” I reply flatly.

He bites my neck, distracted. “Damn it.”

I smile, and slap him on the chest as I stand. “Few days, I’m sure you can wait.” I go over to the mirror and reapply my lip-gloss, hoping he bought that lame excuse.

He stands and rearranges the erection in his suit pants. “I think you mean beauty before blue balls. Get it right.” He wraps his arms around me from behind and kisses my neck. As if I am having an out of body experience, I watch the two of us in the mirror.

I close my eyes to block the vision of us out. I feel Eric’s lips on my neck, but it’s Ben’s face that I see. What’s going on here?