Marx Girl

“How was that?” I whisper.

“Like I was perfect.”

Regret hits me hard in the pit of my stomach, and I get a lump in my throat. For a long time I did think Ben was perfect, and I would’ve given anything to have him back in my life. But… I’ve grown up and things have changed now.

“I’m better when I’m with you, Bridget.” His eyes search mine for a tiny trace of forgiveness that I know he won’t find. “Everything just seems right with you in it,” he whispers.

I stare at him as my brain explodes.

“And friends aren’t supposed to say this shit,” he murmurs as he looks around to break the serious moment.

“Ben.” I smile sadly. “You’re more than my friend, but you keep secrets like you’re an enemy.”

He watches me as if scared that I’m about to run.

“I just want you to talk to me,” I whisper.

He drops his head. “I tried that, Didge, and you shut me down.”

I screw up my face. “You didn’t talk to me, you demanded a second chance on arrival with those stupid texts. I don’t know anything about you anymore.”

He takes my hands in his and I look down at them. My heart does a flip at his touch.

“You know the important things,” he replies softly.

My eyes rise to meet his. “I don’t know why you left me.”

He frowns.

“And I feel like a whining kid going on and on about it, but it’s how I feel. It’s all I think about when I think of you, about how much you hurt me, and I’m angry about it. I can’t just go back to where we were because I keep waiting for the shoe to drop. I honestly don’t know if I ever could.”

“It won’t.”

“You’re going to need to prove that to me, Ben.”

His face fills with hope.

God, why did I say that? I have a damn boyfriend who I should be trying to patch things up with at this very moment. You need to stop this conversation, Bridget, right now!

Stop giving him false hope… stop giving yourself false hope.

His eyes hold mine as he picks up my hand and kisses the back of it.

I watch him and my stomach flutters with nerves.

“Do friends kiss?” he whispers.

I shake my head softly “I…” Oh, God, I wish they did. “No.”

He widens his eyes. “Oh.” He drops my hands like a hot potato.

“Look…” I pause because I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing here, but here goes. “Why don’t we just spend some time together as friends on the down low?”

“On the down low…” He frowns.

“I want to be friends, but I don’t want to be the topic of conversation. I don’t want to tell everyone that we’re spending time together. It’s nobody’s business but ours.”

“You want to sneak around as friends?”

I smile because it sounds weird when he says it out loud. “Kind of.”

He smiles softly. “I can do that.”

“Thought you could.”

He drops his shoulders as if a weight has been lifted. “Do you want to go eat now?”

“I do.”

We make our way downstairs and out to the car, when he throws me the keys. “Do you want to drive?”

“Yes, I do.” My eyes widen with excitement. I get into the driver’s seat and pull out into traffic. The car is smooth and luxurious. “Oh, wow, this is a cool car.” I slide my hands back and forth over the leather steering wheel as I look around the inside.

His eyes dance with delight as he watches me. My phone rings in my handbag.

“Can you get that?” I murmur, distracted.

He shuffles around in my bag and pulls out my phone. The name ‘Tash’ lights up the screen.

“Can you answer and put it on speaker, please?” I ask. He swipes the screen and puts it on speaker. “Hi, babe,” I call.

“Where are you?” she snaps.

I frown and my eyes flicker to Ben as he listens. “I’m at work,” I reply.

“Oh, great. She’s at work,” Natasha mutters to someone.

“Why, where are you?” I frown.

“Abbie and I are at your house.”

“Tell her to fucking come home,” I hear Abbie snap.

“What’s up?” I ask.

“Well… Ben’s on a date with someone,” she blurts out.

I smile and glance at Ben, and he subtly shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose.

“What?” I ask them. “How do you know?” I turn the corner.

“He got all dressed up, and when I asked where he was going he said he was heading out to a work thing.”

I frown as I concentrate on driving. “He might be at a work thing,” I say.

“He’s not!” Abbie snaps in the background.

“I called Brock…” Natasha continues. “There is no work thing tonight.”

I bite my bottom lip to stop my giggle, and Ben rolls his eyes.

“Where did Joshua say he was going?” I ask.

“He said that he has no fucking clue and told me to stop snooping.”