Marx Girl

I’m twenty-seven years old. I’m supposed to have my shit together by now. I’m supposed to know what’s good for me and want that in my life.

I’ve eaten three donuts, two cupcakes, and I’ve drunk four cups of coffee. Operation Slim Down is completely out the window. I’m pretending to research locations for a customer, but really, I just can’t be fucked to work.

Ben’s words just keep going over and over in my head. I hate thinking about them. I can’t even imagine what it must be like to feel them.

I think back to the story he told me about his family, and sadness sweeps over me again. I feel so heartbroken for him. He was just a little boy. His beloved twin sister. I know what it feels like to lose a sister, but a twin is a special bond.

I frown and tap my pen on the desk as I think. Uneasiness sweeps over me.

Oh no.

Oh, my God.

He pulled away from me when my sister went missing. His sister went missing, too, and she died.

I sit up in my chair as I have an epiphany. The hairs on the back of my neck stand to attention.

He handled it so badly back then because he was dealing with his own sister’s death all over again.

It was too close to home for him.

I tear up as I imagine what he must have been going through at that time, all alone. Nobody knew any of this.

He blamed himself for my sister’s disappearance. Does he blame himself for his sister’s disappearance, too?

At the time, we were all so frantic; of course he wouldn’t have told us about his story and its outcome.

I put my head in my hands. God, this is a breakthrough. A horrible breakthrough.

All this time I thought he pulled away from me because he didn’t care, when maybe… he cared too much.

My eyes fill with tears.

Fuck’s sake, Ben, why didn’t you just talk to me?

We could have helped each other.

“Don’t forget about tonight.” Louisa smiles as she walks past.

I frown. “Huh? What’s tonight?”

“We have drinks for Marci leaving, remember?”

I screw up my face. “Oh, that. I completely forgot.”

She points at me. “Don’t even think about it. You’re coming. Everyone has already pulled out and now there’s only the six of us. I feel sorry for her, so you have to come. She’s excited.”

“Ugh.” Drinks with work friends is the very last thing I feel like doing. “Fine,” I snap.

“I’ll pick you up, so you can drink,” she offers, to sweeten the deal.

I roll my eyes and blow out a deep breath. “Okay, great. A hangover tomorrow at work will fix everything,” I mutter under my breath. She raises a cheeky eyebrow before disappearing back to her desk.

“Are you going to lunch?” Mary asks. “The quicker you get back, the quicker I get to go.”

I glance at the time on my computer. Oh, jeez, the day has been a total blur. “Yes, I’ll go now,” I reply, distracted. I pack up my desk. “Back in an hour.” I grab my bag and walk downstairs with my mind in overdrive. To be honest, I’m so full of donuts that lunch isn’t appealing at all, but at least I get out of here for a while. What I really need to do is go to a bar with Adrian, Tash, and Abs, and discuss this at length with them over a very strong alcoholic beverage or ten.

They would know what to do… maybe.

No! Keep them out of this.

This has nothing to do with anyone but me. And maybe Ben. And maybe Eric. And maybe my whole future. Oh fuck, what a mess. I wave at Bethany on reception and make my way through the doors and out onto the street.

And there he stands.

Ben is leaning against the wall next to the door, and my breath catches.

Wearing a white T-shirt and black jeans with his black baseball cap in place, he is one hell of a fine specimen. I have to stop myself from swooning like a love-struck teenager.

“Hello.” I smile up at him as I get that nervous, excited feeling deep in my stomach.

He smiles softly, and I feel it all the way to my bones. “Hi, Didge.” He’s holding a brown paper bag.

I try to think of something intelligent to say. Nope, I got nothing. “What are you doing here?” I ask.

He bites his bottom lip, as if stopping himself from saying something, and holds out the brown paper bag. “I brought you afternoon tea.”

I take the bag from him and peer in to find a chocolate éclair. I smile up at him. “I’m going to get fat if you keep buying me these.”

“You would be perfect whatever size you were.” His eyes search mine and I feel the ice around my heart start to thaw.