Mr Garcia

We’ve only been together for a few months, and even though I know that this is forever for us, I want to try and at least act a little cool.

Not that I can.

I’m completely and irrevocably in love.

The traffic whizzes by as I stare out of the window, and I smile to myself. If only I knew back then what I know now.

My marriage breakdown…

The darkest and most horrible days of my life when I thought that dying would be easier to get through than live another day in pain…

They were all just stepping stones to him.

He was always my grand plan—the man I was supposed to find.

I’ve never known a love like this. So pure in all its essence.

This man owns my body and soul. He’s my best friend, my confidant, my protector.

The love of my life.

And we’re not perfect. Far from it.

To the outside world, I’m sure we appear to be.

The Prime Minister who dates the lawyer… both madly in love.

On paper, the perfect duo.

But we have deep psychological flaws, both damaged in our own way. He’s insanely jealous of any man who looks my way, and he’s so innately sexual with me that it borders on being a sex addiction.

And I… well, I have nightmares where he goes back to his ex-wife.

Horrible dreams where I wake up drenched with perspiration and gasping for air.

Because, damn, if that ever happened, I wouldn’t survive it. I’ve been through a lot of things in my life but that I couldn’t cope with.

Some nights my insecurities get so bad that I dread going to sleep. I can’t handle the thought of seeing them making love in our bed.

It feels so real.

I think that’s a huge part of my problem: that they make love, not fuck.

I hate that he loved her first.

It kills me.

But I’ll never tell him. I would never admit any of it because I know this isn’t about her or anything he’s done. I have no reason to be insecure.

It’s about me and the damage my ex-husband caused when I found him in my bed with another woman.

The way he looked up at me while he was still inside of her.

My heart constricts.

I close my eyes to try and block out the memory but the pain still lingers.

The cut is so deep, I don’t know if it will ever heal. My breath quivers on the inhale as I stare out into the night. I hate that it still affects me after all this time.

Every text Sebastian receives, I wonder if it’s from her.

Every time he’s late home, I wonder if he’s been with her.

And it’s just ridiculous because I know Sebastian would never do that to me, and I know that she hasn’t contacted him at all, but my gut won’t lose this feeling that the shoe is about to drop.

I don’t trust Helena, and to know that she wants him back just adds salt to my wound.

I’m not an insecure person—I never have been—but I think I just love Sebastian so much that my vision is clouded. My sister Eliza says this is totally normal after coming out of a divorce and that, in time, I will get over it.

I will not let my fears poison our love. So, for now, I’ll hold it all in and keep it to myself.

I’ll act brave.

Because Sebastian Garcia’s love is worth being brave for.

The car pulls up to our destination at 10 Downing Street. The Prime Minister’s official residence. We don’t live here full time, choosing only to stay here when a function is on. That usually turns out to be around four nights a week, and Bentley stays here with us. The security team ferry him from place to place.

I smile to myself. Bentley the most spoilt dog in all of parliament history.

The car door opens, and I step out. “Thank you,” I say to the driver.

I walk up to the front door, and it is opened immediately.

“Good evening, Miss Bennet.” A guard nods.

“Good evening.” I walk through the grand, circular foyer to another two guards that are standing to attention by the door.

They, too, nod in greeting. “Good evening, Miss Bennet.”

“Hello. Where is he?” I ask with a smile.

“In the gymnasium.”

“Thank you.” I take the steps upstairs and walk into our apartment and kick off my heels. I put my handbag down on the side table and see Bentley fast asleep on his bed in front of the fire. I pat his sleepy head.

“Oh, you are so lazy, aren’t you?” I smile. “Are you a lazy boy?” I ask in my best baby voice that I save especially for him.

I glance at my watch. The function doesn’t start for another two hours. I have plenty of time to get ready. I’ll go and see Sebastian.

I walk down the stairs, past the two guards and along a huge corridor. I turn the corner and see another two guards sitting outside the double doors. They startle when they see me and immediately stand.