The Mixtape

When love met pain, beauty could be created.

My lips moved to the lyrics as a woman came toward the empty seat beside me. I was completely thrown off when her hand took mine in her hold. I snatched it away quickly before turning to see Sammie standing there beside me. Her eyes were washed with tears, and she gave me the most broken smile.

I didn’t understand. I didn’t know why she was there, or how she knew where I was going to be. Yet the moment I looked up at the stage to find Oliver singing the chorus once more, I knew he’d had a hand in this.

I turned to Sammie, and I wanted to yell at her. I wanted to tear her apart and snap for what she and our parents were putting me through with Reese.

But “Heart Stamps” was our song.

It was us for so very long, and Sammie looked so broken, so I did the only thing I could think to do. I took her hand in mine and held on tight.

I felt her trembles intensify as I gripped her hand. She began falling apart as tears rolled down her cheeks. Her eyes shut, and I watched as her lips slightly mouthed the words of the song. Then, I sang along with her.

Your heart stamps with mine.

Your heart stamps on mine.

Everything will be fine

Because your heart beats in sync with mine.

39

EMERY

After the concert, Oliver drove Sammie and me to his house so we could have the conversation that needed to happen. Kelly took Reese to her place for a sleepover, because I wanted to make sure she had no interactions with Sammie. Honestly I wasn’t sure if Sammie was still on our parents’ side.

If anything, we had to have the heart-to-heart that we should’ve had years ago.

“I’ll be in the studio if you need me,” Oliver said, kissing my cheek. “But take all the time you need.”

He gave Sammie a broken smile as he walked out of the living room, leaving us to ourselves. The silence was heavy, and I hadn’t a clue where to even start with her, but I knew we had to start somewhere.

“I—” we both said in unison.

Uncomfortable laughter fell from both of us, and Sammie gestured toward me. “You go first.”

I sat down on the couch, and she sat across from me. My mind was spinning wildly as I tried to control my thoughts. “Why did you leave?” I asked. “All those years ago, why did you leave?”

She lowered her head. “I didn’t know how to stay. I was losing myself, Emery. I was in a dark place and didn’t see a way out of it. And when I looked at that baby, the thoughts I had were even darker. I left because I felt as if I was going to hurt her. I left because I didn’t know how to stay.”

“You left her alone in an apartment, Sammie!” I argued, tossing my hand up in irritation. Every now and again, I’d think back on that day, on the screaming child, and my heart would break all over again.

“I know! I know! Okay. If you’re just going to yell at me, I can just go—”

She began to stand, and I reached across to her and grabbed her arm.

“No,” I said sternly. “You have to stop running, and I’m guessing you came because you’re tired of that.”

“I don’t need to be yelled at and hear how you hate me.”

“Me yelling isn’t because I hate you, Sammie. It’s because I love you, and you hurt me! You hurt me to my core. And then, finding out that you’ve been seeing our parents and not me broke me even more. And now the idea that they are pushing to have custody of Reese is insane. You have to know this. Don’t you remember what it was like for us growing up? Why would you even want that for her? They are toxic, Sammie.”

“Mama said she could do better this time . . . better than she did with us,” she whispered, shaking her head. “And she said she’d let me back into their family completely, not just once every now and again. That’s all I want, Emery. I just want things to go back to how they used to be.”

“Nothing is ever going to go back to what it used to be. That’s impossible, and truthfully, you shouldn’t want it to be the way it used to. Our parents controlled us and belittled us, Sammie, making it hard for us to trust anyone or anything.”

Her lips parted and her trembles returned. I hated how nervous and fragile she seemed all the time. Even though I was upset with her, it still broke my heart to see her so damaged.

“I just want them to love me.”

“You should never have to beg for anyone to love you. You should never have to do as they say for them to deem you worthy of their love. That’s not how love works.”