The Mixtape

“Don’t make me cry too soon, Richard. My makeup artist is MIA.”

“Sorry, I just . . . my son is very lucky. I won’t take up too much of your time. I’m going to be honest: I don’t know much about wedding traditions. Michelle and I ran off to Vegas for a shotgun wedding, and to this day my parents are still pissed about it. But I heard this thing about something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue. I only got one of those pieces, but I figured I’d offer something borrowed to you, if you’d like.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a watch.

“This was Alex’s favorite piece. He, um, always had a watch, no matter where he went. He hated that his brother was always late, so to make up for it, Alex was always right on time. And I think that’s fitting for you, because you were right on time for Oliver with your love. Now, I know this might not go perfectly with your outfit, but—”

“Please,” I said, cutting him off as I held my arm out toward him. He smiled and nodded as he began putting the watch on my arm. I stared down at the beautiful piece that held the history of a beautiful man. “I wish I could’ve met him.”

“He would’ve loved you. Just like the rest of us.” The way the Smiths had welcomed me into their world seemed so unreal. I didn’t feel worthy of their love sometimes, but they always gave it to me and my daughter without thought.

Richard stood in front of me as if he had something else to say but wasn’t sure how to get it out.

“Is there something else?” I asked.

“Yes, I mean . . . you’re allowed to say no, because you’re your own person. But I realized you have no one walking you down the aisle, and I wanted to say that if you needed a father figure to hold your hand, I’d gladly offer mine.”

The tears fell down my cheeks, and Richard held his hands up, trying to stop their flow. “No tears! Your makeup.”

“It’s fine, we’ll find the makeup person again,” I laughed, pulling him into a hug.

When the time came for me to walk down the aisle toward my favorite love song, I linked my arm with Richard’s. When the officiant—Abigail, of course—asked who was giving me away, Richard gave me off to his son. It was the most touching moment, and I felt more love than I’d ever felt in my life.

Everyone who meant anything and everything to both Oliver and me stood around us, supporting our happily ever after. Oliver stood tall, looking like a dream that I’d never thought I’d receive. Thinking back on life, I realized that I wouldn’t change a thing. I wouldn’t trade in a tear, a struggle, or a broken heartbeat, because all those pieces had led me to where I was right then and there. I stood beside the love of my life.

Right there, in front of our family and friends, we recorded the best song to exist on our mixtape of love.

That night we danced to the Spinners’ “Could It Be I’m Falling in Love,” Oliver’s parents’ first-dance song. We were creating a new story. Breaking generational curses and making new traditions. And from that point on, Oliver and I would be dancing together for the rest of our lives.

OLIVER

Two Years Later

It had been a long time since I’d felt lost. Don’t get me wrong: I still experienced sadness, but working with Abigail, I’d learned better ways of coping with my emotions over time. There was a point in my life where the bad days outweighed the good, so coming to the place where I was now, I was overwhelmed by how many great days I’d experienced.

Thank God I didn’t give up on my life. Thank God I kept fighting through the darkness. If I’d given up all those years ago, when I was at my lowest, feeling as if death was closer to me than life, I never would’ve made it to this very moment. I never would’ve discovered my true happiness.

As I breathed in the autumn air, the breeze brushed against my face, and Emery laughed with Reese as they lay in the grass staring up at the fading sunset. My little boy, Alex, lay on his stomach, trying his best to figure out how to crawl, wiggling his body back and forth repeatedly. On the speaker, music blasted loudly. It was smooth music, with a calming characteristic to it.

It was my birthday. Each year on my birthday, the family went to Alex’s grave site, and we’d play him our favorite songs of the current year and talk to him. We’d tell him the ups and downs of life and celebrate him. Every time a breeze passed, I knew he was there with us. Even though we couldn’t see him, I felt his spirit surrounding me.