Divine in Lingerie (Lingerie 9)

I’d thrown the glass out of anger, but part of me wondered if I did it to get her attention. I’d come to rely on her to sheathe my rage, to make me see reason when my stubbornness wouldn’t allow it.

I didn’t look at her, keeping my eyes focused on the cold fireplace.

She rested her fingertips on the top of the open scotch bottle. She stood there quietly, staring at my side profile. My chest rose and fell with my deep breathing, with my fury, and she watched me struggle with my demons.

She picked up the bottle and took a drink, despite the fact that she hated scotch. She wasn’t a fan of my drinking habits, but she knew nothing she said would change my love for booze. She accepted me exactly as I was—all the good and the bad. She set the bottle down again and stared at me, waiting for me to meet her look.

I refused to do it.

“Didn’t go well?”

My silence was a sufficient answer.

“Give her more time.”

“It’s been three weeks.”

“It’s going to take her at least three months.”

I sighed under my breath, the sound coming out as a growl. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. That man isn’t worth three months of her time.”

“It’ll take her three months before she starts to feel better. For her to really move past this…? At least a year.”

I growled again. “I should have killed him. When Conway saw him at the Underground, I should have killed him. He never would have met Vanessa, and this nightmare wouldn’t be happening. I didn’t protect my family like I promised I would.”

Her hand moved to my shoulder, and she dug her fingers into my tight muscles. “Vanessa didn’t want to be protected. She loves this man.”

“No, she doesn’t. She was brainwashed and manipulated.”

She massaged her fingers into my shoulder a little longer before she pulled her hand away. “Crow.”

I recognized the tone, had listened to it through the decades of our marriage. “What?”

“Look at me.”

I kept staring at the fireplace, the cold stones more welcoming than my wife’s gaze. I finally turned my head and looked at her, staring into the ocean of disappointment.

“The hypocrisy is baffling.” Button never judged me for the man I had been. She never held the past against me. She’d always accepted me for all my darker aspects. It was one of the reasons why I loved her—because she really loved all of me.

“It’s not the same. You know it’s not.”

“It’s exactly the same.” She propped one hand on her hip. “Crow, you gave me two options. I would either be your prisoner until the day I died, or I could sleep with you in exchange for my freedom.”

“But I didn’t threaten to kill you or your family.”

She rolled her eyes. “You still took my freedom, Crow.”

“It’s not like you had any other place to go.”

Her eyes narrowed immediately, showing their outrage and pain at the same time.

I immediately regretted what I’d said. “That came out wrong.”

“Yes,” she said coldly. “It did.”

“Vanessa has a family that loves her. She has a father who would die for her. I’m not letting her settle for anything less than the best. I’m not giving her away to a monster that doesn’t deserve her.”

“And you think you don’t deserve me?” she challenged.

I’d been married to her for thirty years, had committed my life to loving her and protecting her, but none of that could make up for what I did. “No. I’ll never deserve you, Button.”

She cocked her head to the side slightly, her eyes softening.

“You deserved a man much better than me.” I looked at the fireplace again, remembering the night she gave herself to me. I told her she could be free if she earned her freedom. And in the end, she never did. She was mine the second she came into my possession.

“Even if that’s true, I’ve never wanted anyone else, Crow.”

I still couldn’t look at her. “Vanessa never would have loved him if he didn’t force her.”

“And I may never have loved you either. But I still wouldn’t change anything.”

It didn’t matter how similar the situations were. I would never view the circumstances differently. “Our daughter deserves a better love story. She deserves respect. I want a man who falls to his knees for her. I want a man who will bend over backward for her.”

“Maybe that’s not what she’s looking for.”

“Too bad. It’s what she deserves.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t need to tell you this, Crow. But our daughter has been a grown woman for a long time—”

“I don’t want to talk about this.” I knew exactly what she was going to say. I never thought about my daughter’s personal life. It was a subject I never touched, letting Button handle it exclusively. I was so protective of Vanessa that it was a subject I couldn’t discuss with an open mind. If I could have gotten away with it, I would have forced her into an arranged marriage with a man of my choice, and that would be the end of the discussion.