Kinky

‘Stop, you think I don’t like you a lot? Because that is not true. I like you a lot. A very lot.’

‘That’s nice. But it’s not just me you like a lot, is it?’

He blinks at me, utterly bamboozled, or so he wants me to think. ‘I am not understanding you.’

‘I saw you with Trixietots. In the pub. All over her – your arms around her. And I don’t mind! I really don’t. You can shag who you like. But maybe it’s time you went pro. Maybe you’re ready now. Thanks for the experience, it was amazing, but –’

‘Shut up!’

I am too shocked to speak. He sounds quite angry. Eyes from the other tables swivel in our direction.

He breathes in, stills himself, exhales. When he speaks again, his voice is low.

‘You see me with Trixietots in the pub, right?’

I nod.

‘So why you don’t come and say hello?’

‘I was … I thought you wouldn’t want to see me, while you and she …’

‘You mean you think me and Trixietots, we are lovers? Outside your back?’

‘Behind my back. Well, yes. But you don’t have any obligation to me.’

‘Shush. You make a wrong … I don’t know the word.’

‘Decision? Conclusion?’

‘Conclusion, I think. You decide I am lovers with Trixietots. But I am not.’

His voice is still controlled, but his hand gestures aren’t. His rattling bangles can be heard on the other side of the Thames, probably.

‘Aren’t you?’

‘No.’

‘But you will be? You want to be?’

An even more emphatic, ‘No!’

‘So?’

‘Trixietots – her name is Louise actually – she is an agent. Agent for theatre.’

‘Theatrical agent?’

‘Yes. And she sign me. She find me work in a movie about economic immigrants. It start to film next month.’

I don’t know what to say. ‘Oh.’

He sniffs at me, mortally wounded. I feel like the jerkiest jerk since jerkdom was invented.

‘I mean, congratulations. Wow. That’s awesome news. I’m so pleased for you.’

‘No more kitchen for me.’

‘Fantastic. Well done.’ I want to cry. I think I’m going to. ‘I’m so sorry.’ My voice cracks.