Her World of Submission (House of Submission 3)

‘And you’re from Moscow? Did you work over there?’

‘Oh, yes, I had lots of work there. I was in hospital, you call them soap, I think. It is a long-running show, very popular. I was in it for three years.’

Jasper laughed and clapped his hands.

‘Really? A hospital soap? What part did you play?’

‘I am the hospital porter, he is a bit of a rebel, you know, a bad boy. I get a lot of fans from it. Women fans.’

‘But you ran away from them, to London?’ I said, fascinated to think of Dimitri being a minor celebrity in his homeland.

‘I always wanted to come to London,’ he said. ‘And besides, I get the sack from the show. Not the sack but, what do you call it …?’

‘You were written out?’ suggested Jasper.

‘Yes, that’s it, my character is murdered by a mental patient who does not take his medication. But really because I was a silly boy and was late for work too many times. Not these days though. I am Mr Dimitri Reliable.’ He waved his hands and bowed his head. He really was rather too adorable. I thought I might have a crush.

‘The same thing happened to me,’ said Jasper, laughing. ‘I was in a hospital soap, but I played a doctor. I ended up getting murdered as well. By a stalker ex-girlfriend. Very dramatic. I wasn’t pushed, though – I wanted to leave, to pursue my career in directing.’

‘That is so cool,’ said Dimitri, grinning hugely. ‘We are both murdered in our hospitals. We are like blood brothers. And, to tell the truth, I also would like to direct one day. I will learn from working with you so much, I am sure.’

‘I think we’re going to have a whale of a time,’ agreed Jasper.

‘A whale of time?’ Dimitri looked confused.

‘It’s just an idiom,’ Rosie whispered. ‘It means a really good time.’

‘Oh, yes, ha, we will be a whale of time,’ said Dimitri, raising his glass as if to make a toast.

‘I can’t get over this house,’ said Trix, looking around her. ‘It’s just stunning. You met Sarah through your shared love of antiques? Is that right?’

‘Yes, that’s right. She came to catalogue them for me and we discovered that we had a lot more in common than our eye for a nice bit of Stourbridge glassware.’

I devoted all my attention to slicing off another piece of chicken and getting a good few salad leaves on the fork with it. I had the oddest feeling that all three of our guests were picturing Jasper and me in intimately compromising situations.

‘How did you … find out?’ blurted Rosie. ‘I mean, it’s not something that just comes up in conversation, is it? Did you get together first and the kink bit came later, or …? Sorry if that’s a rude question. Just … the way Dimitri and I got together was so weird, I can’t help wondering how people do it normally.’

There was a beat of silence, then Dimitri said, ‘Rosie,’ and gave her a reproving little tap on the wrist. I felt quite hot and bothered seeing the gesture, knowing how these things work. It was a warning.

‘What?’ she said, flustered.

‘It is a very personal question,’ he said. ‘Maybe they don’t want to say.’

‘No,’ said Jasper. ‘It’s a good question. And I think, given the circumstances in which we’ll all be working together, it’s worth answering.’

Rosie leant forward, all eagerness. ‘That’s great. Thank you. I mean, Dimitri and I don’t mind telling you all about us, do we, Dimitri?’

‘Not at all,’ he said with a lazy smile. ‘Everybody knows it.’

‘It’s such a sweet story,’ confirmed Trix. ‘And I play a part in it. The villain, of course.’

Jasper laughed. ‘Surely not.’

‘Don’t,’ muttered Rosie. ‘I’m still horribly embarrassed about that.’

My food was going cold but I didn’t care; I was too intrigued by the prospect of hearing Dimitri and Rosie’s story of deviant love. I reached for my wineglass and listened, as Rosie cleared her throat and began to explain.

‘You know the club Kinky Cupcake, of course?’ she started.