Fast and Loose

‘Look what I found at the bar,’ purred Maria. ‘Chatting to Kevin. Too shy to introduce himself.’

I nearly spluttered into the lime and soda she had just plonked in front of me. Tom? Shy? Was she talking about somebody else?

But he was doing a very creditable job of looking shifty and awkward. It was rather adorable, to be honest.

‘Another newbie. Oh, my God. They’re like buses,’ said Tanya. ‘Hello, handsome.’

‘Yes, it has been rather a while, hasn’t it?’ said Maria. ‘Darling, you must pair up with our new girl Ellie here. Pull up that chair and sit beside her. It’s her first time too.’

‘Really?’ he said, putting his pint down next to my lime and soda. What a lovely couple they made. ‘Are you as nervous as I am? I had to have a whisky chaser with that.’

‘I’m, uh, yeah. Nervous.’ The words were half-throttled by my urge to laugh wildly.

‘So shall we have formal introductions?’ suggested Maria. ‘I’ll start. I’m Maria. I work as a dominatrix and sex educator. I prefer girls for recreation, but I’ll top anybody who pays me.’

She laughed and nodded to her neighbour, Tanya.

‘I’m Tanya. I’m trans.’

I was surprised and it must have showed.

‘Yes, dear,’ she said with a suppressed sigh. ‘I know I look so feminine. I’m often told. I work for a charity, and I’m a switch. Like Maria, I can swing both ways, but I have to find the person attractive.’

‘Ryan,’ said Katie’s bloke. ‘I’m a mechanic, if that matters. I’m a top, looking for an exclusive relationship, but currently making the most of having a few subs to play with.’

‘I’m Katie,’ said Katie. ‘I’m submissive, and very busy with my career at the moment, which means I only really have time for more casual arrangements. But it’s fun, so I’m not complaining.’

‘I’m Joel,’ said Biblical Beard. ‘I’m a college lecturer, so I have to keep my head down a bit as far as the scene’s concerned. My lovely wife Rachel wishes she could be here today, but the kids are performing at a music festival, so she sends her apologies. We’re exclusive, obviously, but we like to get together with like-minded souls now and again for a bit of specialist chat and advice.’

‘I’m Louise,’ said a thirtysomething woman in a leopard-print jacket beside him. ‘I fantasised about spanking for years, but couldn’t get a boyfriend interested. Then I got a job at Wanton Woman, and started to hear about groups like this on the grapevine. I’m the manageress there now. I give mates’ rates on fetish gear and toys, if either of you fancies popping in some time.’

‘Cool,’ I said. I’d never set foot in Wanton Woman, because it was in a fairly seedy part of town, but I’d stared into its window more than a few times when my bus was stuck in traffic.

‘Tim,’ said the man who’d eyed me up earlier. ‘I work in a call centre, for my sins, which are many. I have switched in the past, but I tend to prefer to top. I haven’t been doing this long – I’m the newest here apart from you two, and it’s been about a year now. I’m a fast learner, though.’ He winked at me, and I looked hurriedly to the neighbour on his right.

‘Gary,’ said a man in a candy-striped shirt and glasses. ‘I’m gay and in the market for a big Dom bear. Sadly, none have joined the group yet, but I live in hope.’

He gave Tom a hopeful look, but apparently it wasn’t reciprocated because he sat back, pressing his lips together.

The last group member was Kevin the biker.

‘I’m a sub,’ he said, surprising me so much that I had to cover it with a sip of my drink. I mean, he was huge and very hairy. It was hard to imagine him bending over for anybody. ‘Yeah, that’s the usual reaction,’ he said. ‘You wouldn’t think it to look at me, but I’m a very gentle guy. I’m looking for a straight version of Maria, but I’m wondering if a woman like that exists.’

He looked so forlorn that I wanted to hug him.

‘Surely the internet must help,’ I said.

‘Nah, there’s a few on there, but they’re all hundreds of miles away. Ah, well. One day.’

‘Over to you,’ said Maria, giving me a pointed look.

‘Oh, yes. I’m Ellie, I’m a recent graduate from the university, currently working as a…a temp. Office work, you know. Nothing interesting. And, as you know, I’m very new to all this, so I can’t wait to find out a bit more.’

‘I’m Tom,’ said Tom, which seemed a bit risky. Real names? ‘I’m a loss adjustor.’

Really? I wasn’t even sure what one of those was, but it was a great cover. Come up with a job so boring nobody wants to ask about it.

‘And are you completely new to all this?’ asked Maria, leaning towards him in a way that made one wonder if her lesbianism was quite set in stone.