Master of the House

I thought about this.

‘Until now,’ I said.

‘Well, no. I still don’t have the time, money or talent …’

‘But you have a willing partner.’

He caught on. ‘You mean, you?’

‘I mean me.’ The words came out, even though I wasn’t sure I meant them truly. What, after all, would I be letting myself in for?

‘Are you talking about … something more … than our little arrangement?’

‘I think I might be. Based on what we’ve done, it’s something that really works for me. Not just sexually, even – it seems to fulfil some kind of emotional need. When you’re with me … doing those things to me … I feel something I’ve never felt before. I feel that I’m really at the heart of things. God, I need to think this through so I can explain it better. It’d make dreadful copy.’

I laughed at my own confusion, but Joss shook his head and put his hand over mine, fascinated by what I had said.

‘It’s an intense connection,’ he said. ‘By definition, almost. I have to give you all my attention, and you have to give me all yours. There’s no room for drifting off into daydreams or trying to remember what needs doing in the garden. We have to work together.’

‘So what would you say,’ I began hesitantly, ‘if I said I was willing to be your, well, your girlfriend? Your – I can’t bring myself to call myself a submissive – but doing all that kind of thing, basically.’

‘Lulu. Would you?’

He brought my hand to his lips, kissing my knuckles as I spoke.

‘We’ll be much more believable as a couple if we live it for real, when that time comes. Of cours

e, I can’t live in a cage at your mercy – I have my work. But, I don’t know, we could see more of each other. Maybe even –’

‘Move in with me,’ he said quickly, pre-empting my contemplation of the possibility.

‘Do you think that might be too much? People would talk.’

‘What people? Nobody’s interested in me. Not now I’m no good for a donation to anything.’

‘It seems a big step to take.’

‘Bigger than letting me hit you with a riding crop?’

Well, when he put it that way …

‘Probably not. OK. Let’s give it a try. But, Joss.’

‘Yes?’ He looked so happy, a little boy unwrapping his dream birthday present.

‘I’m not promising anything. This might work, or it might not. I’ll stay until that Christmas party, but I’m not committing to anything after that.’

‘Fine, that’s … very sane of you. Oh, Lu. Does that shop sell champagne?’

‘Joss.’

‘Just one glass?’

‘No.’

‘Oh. Well. I don’t care anyway. You’re all the sparkle I need.’

We hugged each other tight, squeezing all the breath from between our bones.