“My pen name was revealed. Katherine humiliated me in front of the entire world. I don’t think a week is going to change anyone’s mind.”
Jane frowned. “I’m so sorry, Natalie. I hate that this happened to you. Let me know if I can do anything. Anything at all. My connections are at your disposal.”
“Thanks,” I muttered and then continued toward the exit. I was almost out into the freak blizzard when I realized, “Fuck, I don’t have my coat.”
“Do you want me to go back in and get it?”
I shook my head. I couldn’t bear the thought of it. “I have another at home. I’ll just…consider it another casualty to the evening.”
Penn slid his jacket off and wrapped it around my shoulders. We were silent as we took a cab back to my apartment. He’d never been inside my apartment. Never even been to the building. And I found that I didn’t want his first time to be seeing me pack and break down.
I turned my back to the door when we got upstairs. “This is me.”
“Can I come in?”
I debated on whether or not I was making the right move and then shook my head.
“No?”
“Not right now,” I amended.
“Natalie, let me take care of you.”
“I think…I need to take care of myself in this one.”
“You don’t have to do this alone,” he told me.
“I know. But I’m going to go inside and pack and leave the city. And I don’t want that to be the first time you come inside.” I shed his jacket and passed it back to him to prove my point.
“You’re just going to leave?”
“I’m a mess. I need to go home and regroup. Think this all through. Process. I don’t even know what my agent is going to say. What my editor is going to say. I was already going home for Christmas. I’m going to buy a ticket for tonight and get there early.”
Penn slipped his hands into his pockets. “I hate to bring one more thing into your headspace right now, Nat, but…where does this leave us?”
“I don’t know,” I whispered honestly. “I don’t know anything right now.”
“Let me rephrase that,” he said. He brought his hands up to my jaw and stared deep into my blue eyes. “This is what I want, Natalie. You. Just you. All of you. You exactly as you are.”
“Penn,” I whispered, “I don’t know if I’m ready.”
He pressed a kiss to my lips and then stepped back. “That’s okay. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here when you are.”
Then, I watched him walk away with all the promise of a better tomorrow for us. And I stepped inside to face the bitter reality of today.
Epilogue
Natalie — Six Days Later
Amy held her hand out for the tub of icing. “I want the chocolate.”
I handed it to her and scooped up the half-finished container of rainbow chip. “This is the best therapy.”
“My mom sure does know best in this regard.”
“She sure does.”
Another tub of icing. Another broken dream. Another shattered reality.
I’d flown home on the first flight out of New York City. Amy had met me at the airport, and I’d confessed everything that had happened in minute detail on the car ride home. We were still eating icing over it six days later.
“I still can’t believe that bitch had someone write that article on you.”
Amy had read them all. All the outlets that were reporting on it. And then the comments of people who had read it. She hadn’t let me do it, but she’d recapped it. And it hadn’t been pretty.
I’d heard back from Caroline after I emailed her. She’d said to keep my head down for now. That it would probably only help book sales with the added drama. Which was morbidly comforting.
“I know,” I agreed. “Katherine Van Pelt, the insecure bitch.”
“Just imagine how many other people she’s hurt like this, Nat.”
I nodded. Oh, I’d thought about it. All the people who she’d ruined before me. Who weren’t strong enough to endure her. It had to be a long-ass list.
“I wonder how many there are,” I said. “And how they live now. Do they all have to stay on their knees, cut off because she said so? Why exactly does Katherine Van Pelt get to decide?”
“Because she’s made everyone else afraid of her. She’s ruthless. And she’s a fucking cat with nine lives. She always lands on her feet.”
“Yep. That’s exactly it. It’s because she’s never had consequences to her actions. She’s never had anyone make her pay for what she’s done. The worst thing she’s ever gone through is losing part of her trust fund. Boohoo.”
Amy scooped out another huge bite of chocolate icing. “So, are you going to go back into the city after this?”
I flopped back on the couch and stared at the ceiling. “I don’t know. I guess so. I have to clear out my apartment at least. I can’t stay there with fucking Lewis having surveillance footage of the building.”