Messy Love (Stumbling into Love 3)

Fuck, I loved that. Why did I want that so much? I’d never had more than a couple of my fingers inside myself, but I wanted it. Goddamn, did I want it, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that, or if I was supposed to feel any way about it at all. Someone fucking me wasn’t something I’d ever felt comfortable asking a random hookup to do. It played against all my insecurities that had been engrained in me by my dad.

Jesus, I hoped this wasn’t weird.

I pushed two fingers in, kept jerking while I felt for my prostate. It was one of my most favorite things in the world. Who knew there was something so magical in my ass? I sure hadn’t until I’d started watching gay porn.

The bed was still squeaking in the next room, hard and fast, and whoever Danny was with called out his name. My vision blurred, my whole body coming apart as I emptied my balls all over my stomach.

Fuck.

My second night living with Danny, and this was already getting complicated.

I’d started working for Carson Construction when I was sixteen years old. Even before I could legally work there, I’d worked there. We were a family business, and that was just the way it was. I’d never had another job, so logically, I was nervous. I slept for shit and woke up extra early, and it had nothing to do with hearing Danny have sex and my jacking off to it. Nope, not at all.

I was still a fucking liar.

What I didn’t take into consideration with getting out of bed at the ass crack of dawn? That Danny would be up and still home since he didn’t have to be at work yet.

“I made coffee,” he said when I stumbled into the kitchen, rubbing my grainy eyes.

“Fuck. You scared me.” My gaze found him, standing at the counter in a pair of boxer briefs. His hair was wet from a shower. “Shit. Um…sorry.” I looked away.

“Why are you sorry?” It must have clicked with him because he added, “Oh, I should be the one to apologize. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I need to get dressed anyway.”

His reply made me feel stupid, even more inexperienced. Why did it matter if I saw him in his underwear? Hell, they covered more than those Speedos some men wore to the beach or the pool, and I bet he wore those Speedos to the beach or the pool. The thought was…hot, and blood started to run south, and then the sound of a bed creaking filled my head…and Danny smiled.

Fuck. He knew. He knew I’d heard him, and jerked off to him, and that I thought he would look hot in a Speedo. Of course he couldn’t know all those things, but it felt like it. He could know some of them, though, and he definitely did.

“You’re fine,” I replied. “I mean, not hot fine, but fine okay. Well, not that you’re not hot. I wasn’t saying you’re ugly, but I wasn’t saying you’re hot either, and Jesus fucking Christ. What’s wrong with me?” I leaned over the counter, elbows on top and face in my hands.

Danny chuckled.

“I’m not usually like this. In fact, I’ve never been like this in my whole life. I just feel so ass backward, but now things are out in the open. I’m not hiding. People know, and I’m around gay men more than I’ve ever been, and it’s like it’s short-circuited my brain.” No offense to Jameson because he was great, but I suddenly felt like I was him—awkward and rambly.

“It’s fine. You’re settling in. Shit like that is to be expected. No worries, and I’m glad you don’t think I’m ugly.”

I looked at him over my shoulder. “I really said all that, then?”

“You did.”

I didn’t like this word-vomiting, insecure me at all. Hell, I’d spent most of my life being kind of a dick, and now I felt…vulnerable. About everything. “You can wear your underwear around the apartment. It’s not a big deal.”

“Thanks.” He winked. “You can wear yours too. In fact, we can have an underwear movie night, and holy fuck, that might be one of the best ideas I’ve ever had.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Maybe?”

“We’ll see,” I conceded, which was odd as fuck. Danny made me do strange things.

“I’ll take it. Anyway, I really do need to get ready for work, but listen, I wanted to mention last night.” Oh God no. “I’m not used to living with someone, so I didn’t even consider how loud my bed is until…well, until we were in the middle of it.”

“I didn’t hear anything,” I lied, quickly and not believably.

He gave me a half grin. “Okay, well, if you did, I’m sorry. I never intended to make you feel uncomfortable. I’ll…I don’t know, turn on music.”