Messy Love (Stumbling into Love 3)

Jonathan turned in my arms. “What? No. You had nothing to feel bad about. No matter what the reason he left was, that’s on him. It wasn’t your fault. You…you’re…” He cupped my face, one hand on each cheek. “You’re the best person I’ve ever known.”

My heart thudded like crazy. I’d always considered myself a confident guy, but in that moment, I felt vulnerable, unsure. I wanted to ask him if he meant it, if this was temporary, if he would leave, but instead I leaned in and kissed him gently.

I opened my mouth—what I was going to say, I wasn’t sure—but the sound of Mama clearing her throat stopped me. “The food is done if you boys are ready to eat.”

“Do you even know me? I’m always ready.” I laced my fingers with Jonathan’s and dragged him toward the kitchen. “Prepare to be amazed by my mama’s awesomeness.”

He laughed. “I don’t doubt it.”

We had shredded beef and pork tacos, and talked easily, and when the afternoon turned into evening, Jonathan helped me carry chairs out to the sidewalk. We had the perfect view for where they set off the fireworks every year.

Most of the neighbors were already out as well, so I caught up with some of them and introduced Jonathan. One guy was sharing grilled corn on the cob with Tajin seasoning. Jonathan fell in love.

When we made it back to my family, my sisters dragged him into a conversation, the three of them chatting. I liked watching him with my family, so I hung back and let them do their thing. I wasn’t surprised when Mama stepped up beside me. “You’re different with him,” she said in Spanish.

“Yeah.” No use denying it. “It’s weird. I never planned on it. I don’t know what makes some people unique for a person.” What made Jonathan feel right to me? What made Eli feel that about Shaw, or Will about Jameson? I’d always been known to lose interest after enjoying the chase, but not with Jonathan. Him, I wanted to keep. Him, I wanted more of. “I’m scared,” I added in Spanish. This conversation felt like it called for it.

“Not every man is your dad. Just because Daddy left, doesn’t mean he will.”

“I know.” Well, I thought I did. “But what if…”

“No,” she said vehemently. “You’re not him. You would never leave like that. You would never do what he did. Don’t you think it for a second. Danny, you have the biggest heart of anyone I know, and you’re crazy about that man. You were young, you didn’t see it, but your dad always had one foot out the door. Not you. Not my boy. You take care of people you love.”

Jonathan was laughing, and I looked over, watched him as he teased and joked with my sisters, saw the pure joy on his face. It burrowed into me, opened me up. Love? Was I in love with Jonathan?

As he picked something out of Monica’s hair, then turned, his gaze on mine, and smiled, I knew I was.

What if he leaves me? What if I’m not enough for him?

I fought to shove those thoughts to the back of my mind, where I always kept them.

“Let’s sit in the grass,” I told him when I joined them again.

“Okay.”

I got a blanket and laid it out. “I’m a cuddle whore, and I need some lovin’.” He laughed, but then I added, “Only if you feel comfortable.”

There were a lot of people out. I wasn’t sure how he would feel.

“I am,” he replied, wrapping his arms around me. We watched the fireworks that way, and it was perfect.

Jonathan and I went home right after the show. Mom had hugged him tight and made him promise to come back. She got his phone number too and gave him hers. We promised to have them at the next game.

We were quiet on the way back into the city, and when we got to the apartment, I said, “I’m beat.” He didn’t follow me right away, so I asked, “Are you coming to bed?”

“I’m gonna, um…shower first, and then I’ll be in.”

“Okay.” I nodded, kissed him, and went into the room. I stripped out of my clothes, got into bed, and turned on the television to wait.

He was in there for a while. When he made his way into the room, he wore boxer briefs and an unsure look.

“What is it?” Discomfort slid down my spine.

“Nothing’s wrong. I just want…” Jonathan walked over, stood at the side of the bed, and looked down at me. “I want you to top me.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Jonathan

I couldn’t believe I’d just said what I had, but there wasn’t a part of me that wanted to take the words back. Today had been…perfect. I felt like I belonged around Danny’s family, like they accepted me. I didn’t have to pretend to be anyone I wasn’t. I never had to with him either. Even when I was all over the place—quiet, confused, grumpy, uncomfortable with showing my sexuality in front of people—Danny accepted me how I was. He made it feel okay and as though there was nothing wrong with me. He liked me the way I was.