Messy Love (Stumbling into Love 3)

“What? No. That’s ridiculous.” You’re weird around me, and it makes me feel that way too.

Danny pulled a nice shirt out of his closet.

“No, it’s not ridiculous. What the fuck, dude. Come out here. Let’s hit up a bar with some of our friends. You can crash at my place.”

I couldn’t just hang out with our friends. Some of them wanted nothing to do with me. Didn’t he get that?

Danny pulled out a pair of jeans I didn’t recognize.

“I can’t,” I told Nolan. “I have plans.” I had no idea what those plans were, just that Danny had made them.

“Doing what?”

“Nothing,” I replied. “I mean, I’m not sure. Just going out.”

“With who?” Nolan asked.

“Can we plan this another time?”

“What about Sunday?” he asked, because of fucking course he would.

“I can’t on Sundays.”

“Every Sunday?” Nolan countered, frustration clear in his voice.

Danny was obviously pissed now…or maybe not pissed. Sad? Hurt? Disappointed? He turned and went into the bathroom.

“Yes, every Sunday. Listen, can we do this later? I need to go.”

“Fuck that,” Nolan gritted out. “You’ve been a dick. You never hang out with us.”

“Last time we saw each other, it turned to shit. Plus, when’s the last time you asked Will to do something? When’s the last time you called him? I might not be hitting you guys up, but don’t act like you’re totally innocent. We have another brother too.” Was I “an okay gay man” to hang out with, but Will was different?

“Shit, you’re right. I just… Will is Will.”

“Will is our brother. I gotta go.” I ended the call and tossed my cell to our bed before walking over to the bathroom. “Why are you pissed at me?”

“I’m not.”

“You seem like it,” I countered, holding on to the doorjamb and leaning in.

“I’m…frustrated, but I’m trying not to be because I know it’s not fair. And I’m a little sad too, and I shouldn’t be for myself. For you, yes, but not for me.”

“Wait. What? I’m so confused. Everything seemed great before Nolan called. I didn’t even want to answer him, but you asked me to, so I did. Now you’re frustrated and sad, which is the last thing I want. You make me feel good all the time. I wanna do that for you too.”

Danny sighed. “Fuck, baby. Come here.”

Only I didn’t have the chance to go to him—he came to me. Danny wrapped his arms around me. I lowered mine and did the same. “You do make me feel good. I’ve never… I’ve never felt like this. That’s part of why it made me sad when you called me your roommate and not your boyfriend. I’m not telling you that to hurt your feelings, but because I want to be honest with you. And I know that’s not completely fair to you. I can’t expect you to do something you’re not ready for. That would make me an asshole, and I don’t wanna be that to you, but it hurts my feelings too, so I’m trying to deal with it.”

“Shit.” He was right. I hadn’t even thought of that. It would hurt my feelings if Danny told someone I was just his roommate. But I didn’t know how to do that, how to say those words to Nolan or Brad. It felt like saying them to Dad. “I’m sorry. I’ll tell them.”

“No.” Danny shook his head. “I don’t want you to do that for me. That wouldn’t make me a very good boyfriend. I want you to be able to do it for yourself, because you deserve that. I know you must miss them. I want you guys to go camping together like you used to and maybe bring me along sometimes too. I want your mom to sit with mine while we kick ass on the baseball field. But until you’re ready for that, it doesn’t need to happen. I’m doing my best not to let it bother me. Just know that sometimes I might fuck up.”

“You didn’t.” I kissed the top of his head. “We’re gonna be okay?” I asked, hating the vulnerability in my voice. I couldn’t handle the thought of ruining this already. Danny was everything to me.

“Yes, we’re okay. But we do really need to start getting ready so I can take you on a date tonight. I think you’ll like it.”

“I already do.”

“Fuck, you really are good at this. Are you sure you’ve never done it before? I feel like I’m slacking on the game.”

Happiness rumbled deep in my chest. “You’re doing just fine. Now, are you gonna tell me where we’re going?”

“Nope.” He smacked my ass. “Get changed.”

“On it.”

We went out to dinner first, to a steakhouse. This wasn’t like the restaurants we typically ate at around Midtown. There weren’t young gay waiters flirting or girls with pink hair as hostesses. “This is nice. You didn’t have to take me somewhere this nice.”