Take Her Man
“I found out that you told my mother about our dinner and it made me really upset.”
“I’m sorry, but I had no other way to find out your favorite flowers, and I wanted to do something—”
I placed my index finger over his lips. “But it’s okay now. I understand.” I got into the car and turned it on. Kyle turned to walk to his own car, which was parked behind mine, but he kept looking over his shoulder.
“Bye, Kyle,” I said, waving at him.
“Bye, Troy,” he replied. “Get home safely and don’t go getting towed.”
“Kyle,” I called. He turned back around. “Thank you.”
How to Get a Dude Distractor: I Do…Just Not You
When you know the main course will take more than a little while to come steaming out of the kitchen, the best thing you can do is feast on a tasty side salad. Why should your love life be any different? Stop sitting at home watching Living Single reruns, waiting for the man of your dreams to come knocking at the door. There are many men out there willing to be your tasty Caesar salad…you just have to place your order. A Dude Distractor (DD) is someone you hang out with (not date) temporarily to distract yourself from whatever’s ailing you. Say you’re dating a guy you really like, but you’re afraid you may be crowding him—get a DD to occupy your time. The same applies if you’re waiting for the love of your life to show up, your lover is acting up, or you’re just hungry and broke as hell.
DD Do’s:
1. Contact the sexiest DD possible.
2. Make it clear that you don’t want a relationship.
3. Keep him in rotation with other DDs—spread the love.
4. Use a condom…if you have sex.
DD Don’ts:
1. Use a friend as a DD.
2. Ever tell your main guy about your DD.
3. Lie to a DD about your feelings.
4. Do anything that may cause your DD to catch feelings. Examples: answer late-night calls, take long walks, travel, meet his friends, go on family outings, let him stay at your place—or vice versa, cook for him, buy or take gifts, etc.
Girl Fight
I opened my CD box to find my old Lauryn Hill CD so I could put it in and listen to it on the drive back downtown. By the time I looked up, Kyle had pulled away. I slipped the CD in, and just as I was about to pull away from the curb, a familiar face walked out of the restaurant beside Paola’s.
“Miata?” I said to myself. “No, it can’t be.” It was her. My heart started beating fast. I didn’t know why, but I wanted to do something, say something. From what I could tell, she was alone. I had to say something. Maybe I could connect with her and find out, once and for all, what was really happening between her and Julian.
I stepped out of my car when she turned toward me. I didn’t know what I was gonna say or do, but I was all heart, all emotion. Suddenly my initial rationale left me and I kept thinking, That bitch took my man. And though I wasn’t born in the ghetto, I knew the rules of the ghetto. She needed her ass whooped for that.
“Miata,” I said, stepping onto the sidewalk behind her. It stung to hear her name said aloud.
“Yes,” she turned and smiled. She looked uglier than I remembered. I didn’t know what to say after her name. I mean, I expected her response to be something I could work with. She was supposed to call me a bitch and then I’d pull out my lip liner and start stabbing. Yeah, that was how fights went.
“What are you doing with Julian?” Oh, my God. I sound like an ass. Those aren’t fighting words, Troy, I said to myself. “I mean, I’m just asking.” I was punking out and the fight hadn’t even begun.
“Excuse me?” She stepped toward me with that stupid grin on her face again. “Do I know you?”
“You know you know me. Don’t even try it. What are you doing with Julian?”
Miata stepped close and batted her eyes seductively.
“Everything.”
That one word, that one single word, was enough to make me want to jump on Miata and beat her until the cops dragged me off of her lifeless body. But I knew better. I was raised better than that. Obviously, she wasn’t.