What He's Been Missing

Ian and Xavier went through every undergrad story over dinner. I playfully complained and pushed for them to stop. Scarlet looked like she was daydreaming the whole time, but kept a Stepford smile splashed on her face.

Xavier’s hand was on my knee under the table. Ian’s arm was draped over Scarlet’s shoulders across from us. The scene was so interestingly adult it felt like we were on the set of the Cosby Show and Judith Jamison or Sammy Davis, Junior, would walk into the room at any time and get the party started. I pretended the hand on my knee had a wedding band on it that matched the one I pretended I had on my ring finger. All the gifts against the wall were mine and this was how I’d spent every Saturday night for the last year and how I’d spend them for the rest of my life. No more NyQuil or nights alone. I leaned over and kissed Xavier on the cheek as he teased Ian about being dropped from the pledge line for Kappa his sophomore year.

“This fool had the nerve to tell the big brothers that there were too many typos in the pledge book,” Xavier said, laughing and pushing a last bit of food around on his plate. “We’re lined up against the wall in the middle of the night in some Kappa’s room and Ian wants to talk about the proper use of a semicolon.”

I laughed. That was classic Ian. I didn’t think he really wanted to pledge anyway. He’d just gone along with it because Xavier wanted both of them to be Kappa men. In the end, neither of them made it.

“Well, I’d rather get dropped for complaining about punctuation than getting caught smashing the chapter president’s girlfriend,” Ian said.

“That was a rumor!” Xavier looked at me for approval.

“A rumor? The shit was on video,” Ian replied. “You and Missy Hoover going at it in her dorm room with our big brother’s pledge jacket hanging over the bedpost!”

“What?!” I slapped Xavier’s arm. “That’s gross.”

“You really did that?” Scarlet asked.

“I was lost,” Xavier said with a mix of humor and solemnity in his voice. “I was confused. A young boy out there in the streets looking for love in the arms of any sweet lady he could find.”

“So it’s not just because you were a womanizer?” Scarlet asked, and Ian and I laughed. “What? That’s what you all say about him.”

“Maybe I was,” Xavier said. “But now I’m not. Now, I’m home. I found myself one sweet lady!” Xavier kissed me on the cheek and mimicked Ian’s position across from us by placing his arm over my shoulders.

“Speaking of going home, when are you going back to Chicago?” Ian asked. “I’m sure you have a lot going on back there. People must miss you.”

“I have a lot going on here, too,” Xavier said. “In fact, I’ve been thinking about making this here thing permanent. Send home for my things and stay here for the rest of my life.” Xavier locked eyes with me, but I could see Ian staring with his mouth open on the other side of the table.

“So soon? After a month? You’re deciding to move here? Why?” Ian asked.

Xavier turned back to him hesitantly. “I just told you why. I’ve found what I’ve been missing. No need to go back to searching.”

“Ian, stop being so nosy,” Scarlet said. “They’re in love.”

“Love?” Ian laughed.

“Why is that so funny to you?” I asked nonchalantly.

“Well, come on, guys—‘love’?”

“Yeah, I still don’t get why that would be so funny,” I said.

“OK.” Ian rested both of his elbows on the table like a Vegas gambler and looked from Xavier to me. “Then, is it love? Are you two saying this is a love thing?” he pushed.

I felt Xavier stiffen, and then something in me sagged and flew out the window. My world where I was Ian’s equal, sporting a set of matching wedding bands under the table, was pulverized by one rushed question. It was just too soon for that kind of interrogation. And Ian knew that.

Quickly, I was furious with my best friend. I wanted him pulverized, too. Alienated. To have his hope laid out on the table and dissected like a bio-lab frog.

Xavier was about to say something, but I cut him off.

I dug my elbows into the table to play, too. I leaned toward Ian and Scarlet and smiled.

“Scar, I totally forgot to ask you,” I started, smiling and laughing a little to make my coming attack appear to be friendly fire. “Did Ian ever tell you what happened the day you two got engaged?”

“No?” Scarlet looked over at Ian nervously. “Something happened? What?”

“Oh, nothing bad,” I tried to calm her. “Just our Ian being Ian. It’s actually rather hilarious. I’m surprised he didn’t tell you.” I dared not look in Ian’s direction.

“What happened, babe?” Scarlet deferred to Ian like a good wife.