Should Have Known Better

“It’s Sasha,” he said anxiously and I’m certain I was looking at him like he was crazy. “She’s just pulling up and wants my help with bags.” He jumped up from his seat like it was on fire. “I’ll be right back.”

Reginald hurried out, leaving his cell phone and half-eaten sandwich behind.

“So,” my mother opened, trying to fill the hush at the table, “you two having fun in this place?” She smiled at R. J. adoringly, but I did sense a little agitation in her voice and it surprised me.

“Well, we can’t play on the couches in the living room,” R. J. admitted. “Auntie Sasha let us do it on the first day, but then she told us not to go in there.”

“Don’t call her your aunt,” I ordered. “She’s not your aunt.”

“She’s Daddy’s girlfriend,” Cheyenne said, cutting me in half.

I was about to correct her, but my mother slid her hand on to my knee beneath the table.

“Your father is married to your mother,” she said, “so he can’t have a girlfriend. In God’s eyes, that’s a sin.”

“So?” Cheyenne muttered. She rolled her eyes and looked away from the table.

“You don’t believe sin is wrong, baby?” my mother went on.

“What’s a sin?” R. J. asked me.

“You don’t know what a sin is?” My mother stared at me, but my eyes were hung on Cheyenne and her coldness. She went on to describe the Ten Commandments and tell the story of Moses and Sinai.

“I wasn’t trying to hurt you,” I said to Cheyenne beneath my mother’s telling. “I would never try to hurt you. You know that? You and R. J. are the most important people in the world to me. I love you.”

I reached across the table to touch her, but she moved away.

“I promise nothing like that will ever happen again,” I added. “I promise that to you and R. J.” I looked at R. J. “Mommy made a bad mistake. And I swear it will never happen again. Can you forgive me?”

“Yes—” R. J. answered.

Cheyenne got up from her seat and started running out of the room.

“I’ll never forgive you,” she hollered. “I wish you would die!”

I got up to follow her, but she was stopped by Reginald and Sasha walking into the room laughing and talking. She ran right into Reginald.

“What’s wrong, Chey?” Reginald asked, leaning low to her.

“I want to go to my room,” Cheyenne cried, wiping tears.

“But your mama is here to see you, sweetie,” my mother said.

“I want to go to my room,” Cheyenne cried frantically.

“Let her go,” I said, feeling bad that she was hurting so much. Cheyenne was born distant from me. But even in her cutting words and swipes at my head, I never wanted to see her upset. I never wanted to be the person who made her upset.

Reginald released Cheyenne and she ran from the room.

“Can I go, too?” R. J. asked his father and then looked at me confused.

“Sure you can,” I said as sweetly as I could. “Can you give me a kiss first?”

“Yes!”

R. J. kissed me on the cheek and I kissed him on the forehead, holding him close to my chest for as long as I could. I wouldn’t look right at Sasha, but I could tell from the dark lens of her sunglasses that her eyes were on me.

“See you again next time,” I said to R. J.