“Don’t tempt me.” Compared to her usual smiles, this one was a caricature. As if to soothe a headache, her free hand rubbed her brow. Guilt stabbed him. He had no right to torment her. She sighed, the sound inexpressibly sad. “You make everything sound so sensible when we both know it’s wrong.”
His voice shook with sincerity. “What care I for scandal? What care you? Where has toeing the line got you? A damned thankless position as William’s drudge and Roberta’s cat’s paw. I’ve lived with scandal since my father’s marriage was declared invalid. Confront it with your head high and it cowers away.”
Her hand tightened. “You promised a week before I have to make up my mind.”
“You can do that at Ferney.”
“You drive coherent thought to the wind.”
Did that mean she’d stay? One glance at her determined expression confirmed his doubts.
The coach rolled to a gentle stop before the ostentatious house. After Jonas grabbed Sidonie’s bag and helped her out, Hobbs continued to the stables. A footman opened Ferney’s tall doors with a flourish, but Jonas waved him inside.
For the first time today, he read genuine amusement in Sidonie’s eyes when she surveyed the ornate Portland stone façade with its balustrades and pediments and columns. “You know, I’ve longed to see inside Ferney. The neighbors are agog at the extravagance. I was so disappointed when your hall at Castle Craven contained hardly a stick of furniture.”
Without pleasure, he glanced at the house’s pillared portico and grand double staircase. “Buying it was childish.”
She made no attempt to pull her hand from his. “Oh, I don’t know. It upset William mightily. I consider the money well spent.”
Hell, he couldn’t let her go. Not yet. “Why not stay an hour? I’ll show you the house. The servants won’t gossip. They’re far too well paid to risk their positions.”
She shook her head, lowering it so the ugly bonnet hid her face. When he burned the blasted cloak, he’d toss that straw contraption on the pyre as kindling.
“Jonas, you don’t understand.” Her voice was subdued. He realized her composure was entirely superficial. Beneath the apparent acceptance, she was unhappy and unsure. “If I don’t go now, I fear I won’t go at all.”
He gripped her hand as if he never meant to release her. “Then don’t go.”
She raised her head and stared at him. Her eyes were dull and her face was pale. “You needed a week to seduce me into a state of insanity where I’m considering marriage. Give me a week to decide whether to change a lifetime’s intentions.”
It sounded reasonable. Damn it, it was reasonable. “I’ll stay at Ferney. You merely need to cross the boundary.”
She stroked his jaw in a tender gesture that recalled a hundred other tender gestures. He stifled the urge to bully her. She wouldn’t bend. His woman was strong and resolute. If she embarked on life with him, she’d have to be.
Still she stared at him as though she’d die if she looked anywhere else. Did she know how close he was to sweeping her into his arms and racing her away?
“Thank you,” she said softly.
She touched his lips in a gesture of farewell and he caught a glimmer of tears. Trapped in her fathomless brown gaze, he felt the fatal declaration rise. He beat it back, although she must know he loved her. Every action betrayed his feelings, however risky the words. “Sidonie…”
“Oh, my dear…” Her voice cracked and she sagged, her strength failing. His arm circled her waist even as she straightened and focused upon him. “Don’t make this more difficult.”
“At least eat something before you go.”
Her smile was shaky. “You’re still trying to feed me.”
“Something to restore you after the journey.” His pride revolted at how he begged another minute, another hour, but he was beyond caring.
She shook her head. “No, Jonas.”
“ ‘No, Jonas’ is all you ever say,” he responded with a hint of savagery. He knew he was unfair, but he was just so damned miserable.
Her smile wavered into a warmth that calmed his anger. “Not always.”
He shut his eyes as the memory of wild nights overpowered him. Good God, at this rate, he’d be bawling like a motherless calf.
She touched his scarred cheek again. “Just kiss… kiss me good-bye.”
He told himself she’d be back in a week. Surely she’d see sense once she faced lonely reality. Surely she’d miss him the way he’d miss her. But that wasn’t how it felt. It felt like she forsook him forever.