“No, it’s not. It matters. But it’s not everything.”
“Because it’s not everything, I can never be what you want.”
“How easily you give up, Your Grace.”
“Don’t call me that.”
“What else should I call you? You’re my duchess and my wife.”
“Much as you wish otherwise.”
By all that was holy, she was a tough opponent. While he’d learned to respect her strength, he’d never before realized how adamant she could be.
He poised on the cliff edge and stared at the sharp rocks below. Vertigo sent his belly on a sickening dip. If he jumped, odds were he wouldn’t survive.
“You asked me what I want,” he said slowly.
She stiffened as though bracing for a challenge. She wasn’t nearly as composed as she struggled to appear. Her voice trembled. “Why don’t you tell me?”
He resisted the need to touch her. “The strange thing is that I’ve known for years, even if I only just acknowledged it.”
She sighed. “You speak in riddles.”
“Cowards often do. And I am a coward. I’ve recognized that too.”
Inevitably the time had arrived when he must jump. He prayed that he’d live to tell the tale. He expected his voice to shake, but his words rang with conviction.
He launched himself into space. “I know what I want, Pen. I want you to love me.”
Since she was eight years old, Pen had imagined Cam asking for her love.
Except this scene wasn’t quite right. In her fantasy, the words were different. I love you, Pen. I will always love you.
Although she saw what it had cost Cam to speak, his demand didn’t inspire her to declare eternal devotion. Instead, it made her feel tired, as though a great weight pressed down on her.
In the last six months, she’d lost a brother and a beloved aunt. Once or twice, she’d nearly died herself. She’d shouldered Harry’s troubles. She’d struggled to cope with becoming a duchess when she’d never aspired to the title. She’d always wanted Cam. She’d never wanted to be the Duchess of Sedgemoor.
Most crushing of all, she’d denied everything she knew to be true and married Cam.
Whatever physical pleasure she’d enjoyed, her soul had starved since their marriage. She had a grim feeling that her soul would continue to starve, even if she confessed her love, even if he trusted her again, even if he forgave her for this latest scandal.
“Did you hear me?” His expression was wary, almost like he expected her to throw herself out the window.
Pen realized that she must stare at him as if he spoke a foreign language. She supposed that when Cam spoke of love, that was true. “I did.”
He stepped toward her. When she backed away, his face contracted with anguish. “You’ve got nothing to say?”
She bit her lip. He was so handsome, especially now when his self-sufficient air crumbled to nothing. She couldn’t doubt that he’d changed in the last weeks. The problem was that he hadn’t changed enough. She came to realize that he never would.
“You can’t make someone love you,” she said dully. If she’d learned one truth, it was that.
His jaw firmed. “I can try.”
“There’s no point. Just let me go.”
The slashing black brows lowered. “Do you want to leave me?”
She’d fled to Europe to escape Camden Rothermere. Right now, she wished she’d stayed there. “Yes.”