“But why?” she asked frantically. “This can’t just be vanity.”
The frown returned. “Pen, don’t you understand what I’m saying?”
Vehemently she shook her head. “You’ve always treated love as the enemy.”
His laugh was harsh. “Love was terrifying.”
Confusion still fogged her mind. “Of course love is terrifying. If it’s not terrifying, it’s not love.”
Another harsh laugh. “So terrifying that I still run like a coward.”
“You’re not a coward, Cam,” she said woodenly, tiring of this bewildering conversation. Lack of sleep must make her stupid. Or Leath’s blow.
“Mere words frighten me.”
When he grabbed her shoulders, she started. “Let me go.”
“Not yet. Not until you hear me out.” He was ashen and the hands on her shoulders trembled. A muscle twitched in his cheek, always a sign of deep emotion.
“Cam—”
He spoke over her in a hard voice. “I love you, Pen. I love you more than I ever thought I’d love anyone in my misbegotten life. I love you so much that you make me shake. I love you so much that you have the power to consign me to eternal darkness if you leave me.”
Amazed, speechless, devastated, disbelieving, Pen stared at him. Her heart stopped beating. Even in dreams, she’d never imagined that he’d say anything like this.
“You’ve brought me to this pass. It started years ago. Before I proposed. Before the world’s longest wild goose chase to find another woman I wanted to marry. My affliction has only worsened since I found you again.” His voice cracked as the words tumbled out. “I know your gift for love. I’ve seen it over and over again. I covet that love for myself. I humbly ask for the chance to become the man you want.”
Cam was made to command. She couldn’t believe that he loved her enough to beg.
“Please, say something. Even if it’s to send me to the devil.” His hands clenched on her shoulders before, with an apologetic gesture, he released her.
“Do—” She swallowed to release the scratchy words. “Do you mean it?”
“Damn it, of course I mean it,” he said roughly. He reached for her, then reconsidered. That truncated, defeated gesture sliced at her heart.
“If you don’t mean it, I’ll never forgive you,” she said in a rush.
“You have no reason to give me another chance, but if you do, I promise to make you happy.” His eyes burned into hers. “Put me out of my misery. Tell me there’s hope.”
She blinked away tears. Despite the anguish and violence and drama, today turned into the best day of her life. She caught one of the hands he bunched at his sides. “I don’t understand how this happened.”
That muscle still flickered in his cheek. “I’ve loved you for weeks. But I’m such a novice to love, it was only when you leaped between Harry and Leath that I could admit to myself what you really mean to me.” His Adam’s apple bobbed as if he relived the horror. “You’d die for the people you love. I realized that I’d die for you. It’s as simple as that. Once I accepted that, everything else made sense. Please, Pen, all I ask is one word to say that it’s not too late.”
She felt buffeted by his astounding confession. Not yet happy. Not yet secure. But as she met his gaze, she believed him. Tears won the battle and started to fall.
“Don’t cry, Pen. Please don’t cry.” Shaking, he cupped her cheek.
“Cam—” Too choked to speak, she raised his hand and kissed his knuckles. A kiss of homage. A kiss of gratitude. A kiss, above all, of love returned. “You’re wrong. You are the man that I want.”
The confession was so low and so weighted with tears, she didn’t expect him to hear. But he went instantly still. “What did you say?”
Dazzled, she gazed at him. “I said I love you.” She sucked in a shuddering breath and finally confessed her oldest secret. “I’ve always loved you. You. Only you.”
She saw hope leap, then subside under confusion. “But when I asked you to marry me—”
She twined her arms around him and kissed him with all the love in her heart. His lips answered with an unspoken question. He wanted to believe her, but he didn’t. She’d felt the same when he’d said he loved her.
Reluctantly she broke the kiss. “Of course I said no. How could I bear to live with you every day and know that you’d never return my love?”