His intense stare made her shift uncomfortably. It was all very well for him to peer into her soul, but she had secrets. Old ones like her love, and more recent ones like her promise to Harry.
“Now I want you to find the courage to be yourself. I want you to find the courage to build something from this marriage, something strong and safe.”
“London won’t approve of me,” she snapped back. She didn’t trust this turnaround. All her life, she’d known Cam wanted a biddable duchess. He must know that if Pen was true to herself, biddable was the last description to apply.
“I will. Remember, a proper duchess pleases her duke.”
“You won’t say that when everybody’s pitying you for marrying an outspoken hoyden.”
One black eyebrow arched. “If you stop dressing like a damned grandmother, London will be so dazzled, nobody will care what you say.”
She scowled, even as she wondered if perhaps he was right about her meekness being impossible to maintain. “Tonight’s dress cost you a fortune.”
He laughed softly. “A damned rich grandmother.”
She drew herself up and spoke the unpalatable truth. “Cam, you don’t want a scandalous Thorne as your duchess. You want Marianne Seaton.”
Growling low in his throat, he sat on the bed and removed his shoes. A strange thrill shivered through her. This intimacy was new. He always undressed in his own rooms. “Pen, I’ll say this once more, then the subject’s forever closed.”
“If I’m to be myself, you know that I’ll object to orders.”
“One last order.”
Still wary but unable to resist, she drifted across to lean against one of the bedposts. “I’d be naïve to believe that.”
He tugged his neckcloth loose. The gold signet ring glinted as if it was alive. He addressed the air above her head. “To think I asked this woman to speak her mind.”
“To think,” she retorted.
He stared directly at her and to her surprise, his eyes were serious. “Since you became my wife, I haven’t regretted losing Lady Marianne once. You’re the woman I want. I didn’t travel to Italy intending to marry you.” He raised a hand to forestall her protest. “But I’m not sorry that I did. I hope that you’ll allow me to prove myself as a husband so that you’re not sorry either.”
“Cam—”
“At least you’re not calling me ‘Your Grace’ anymore,” he said wryly and went on before she could speak. “You keep talking about what I gave up to marry you. Yet you gave up as much or more. I know that you’re unhappy. I’d do anything to change that. But first I want you to acknowledge that you’re not some unsatisfactory substitute for the woman I should have married. If you imagine I come to your bed every night cursing the fact that it’s you in my arms and not Marianne Seaton, you’re completely unhinged. The demons plaguing you are chimeras. I hope that in time you’ll trust me.”
“I do trust you,” she mumbled without meeting his eye
s.
“Obviously. So much that you jump a mile when I touch you in public.”
“I’m not used to—”
Compassion softened his eyes until they glowed soft emerald. “I know. This marriage business is new to us both, but with goodwill, we can create something glorious.”
He said all the right things. She should be glad. But she couldn’t help noticing the one glaring omission in all his talk about their bright future. She commended his honesty, but still her idiot, yearning heart craved to hear the word “love.”
But “love” was a word that Cam would never use. He respected her too much. The irony of that statement left her wanting to break something.
Still, she recognized how he’d humbled himself. “I’ll do my best.”
His lips curved in the sweet smile that made her melt just the way his sweet kisses did. She was so susceptible. It was downright terrifying. “Your best will be magnificent.”
“Thank you,” she said with such uncertainty that he smiled.
“Pen, come here and make me happy. That’s your only duty tonight.”
She stared at him, dissent sparking. She wanted to make him happy. But more, she needed to seize some control. Starting tonight in the big, elegant bed where her big, elegant husband lounged, eyeing her like a sugared almond that he wanted to snap between his straight white teeth.