Reckless (Renegades 1)

But he just wasn’t going there.

“Uh, no. ” He laid his hand over hers, which had risen too close to his groin. “Just work stuff. Busy, you know?”

She lifted her other hand to his jaw. She stroked his stubble with the backs of her fingers before slipping her hand behind his neck. Her nails grazed his skin, and electricity burned down his spine, making him shift in his seat.

Shit, he just needed to take her into her apartment and fuck her. He needed it. She needed it. They’d been dating for weeks with nothing more than a few kisses. Not for lack of trying on Tawna’s part, but due to Jax’s inability to move on from his one night in New York. And she’d made her frustration with his lack of interest in sex plenty clear at the end of their date last week when he’d turned her down. Again.

He pulled onto her street and into her driveway.

Moment of truth.

His gut ached with dread. Dread that he had to have sex for the first time in three weeks with a beautiful, eager, young woman.

He was way more messed up than he’d realized.

He turned off the truck and released his seat belt. Tawny immediately took his face in both hands and pulled him down for a kiss. She had great lips. She was a nice kisser. If that night with Lexi had never happened, he’d have been balls-deep with this woman a long time ago. The kiss grew hotter as they always did, and while Jax was good at making the right moves and going through the motions, the true desire wasn’t there. And there just was no way to will it to appear. He’d tried.

Jax opened his door and climbed out, then took Tawna’s small waist and pulled her from the cab to set her on the ground. Instead, she wrapped her legs around his hips and her arms around his neck and smiled into his eyes. Hers were brown and beautifully shaped. Her hair long and deep chestnut. She weighed barely a hundred pounds and had a great, athletic body. She was funny and normal and sweet. She had a decent job, ambition for more, a normal family, everything Jax always thought he’d wanted.

Until he’d met Lexi.

Tawna kissed him long and hot, then whispered against his lips, “Come in with me, Jax. Stay the night. ”

He had three excuses rolling off his tongue that he hadn’t used yet, but paused before answering. He set her down halfway up the walk and held her hand up to the porch. His mind pinged back and forth, telling him to go in, get what he needed, give her what she wanted. But it wasn’t what he wanted, or rather, she wasn’t who he wanted.

God, he was such an idiot. Lexi wasn’t an option. She hadn’t wanted him for any more than one night. He didn’t fit into her world—whatever world that was.

And, if her silence was any indication—no texts or phone calls since she’d walked out of his room—she certainly hadn’t changed her mind. It was over. Shit, it had never really started. He had to find a way to accept that. To move past it.

And then they were at Tawna’s door.

Holding tight to his hand, she unlocked the door, pushed it open, and stepped inside, pulling on his arm. When he didn’t follow, she turned a questioning gaze on him. Damn, she really was pretty. And as sweet and smart as Wes had promised. And…damn Lexi. Damn her for having some spark, some something that made it impossible for Jax to get her out of his mind.

The bright anticipation in Tawna’s pretty eyes dimmed. Her smile faded. She propped her shoulder against the doorjamb with a new look of resignation and stared down at his hand, still in hers.

“You’re not coming in,” she said.

He didn’t know what to say. He’d never gotten to this point with women and turned them down.

“What is it, Jax?” Tawna asked. “I thought we had something. ”

“Me too. ” Or could have. “The truth is… Before Wes set us up, I was with someone and—”

“I heard,” she said, sympathy turning her eyes sad. “It ended badly. What she did was horrible, Jax. ”

His mind was so deep in Lexi, it took him a moment to climb out and realize Tawna was talking about Veronica. And he realized letting her think he was talking about Veronica might make this much easier for Tawna.

“I guess I’m more reluctant that I thought. I’m thinking you played it right,” he said, referencing their discussion about her breakup and why she’d waited so long to start dating again. She smiled a sad, understanding smile and nodded. “I’m…really sorry, Tawna. Can I, I don’t know, call you sometime? If you’re free, great, if not, I totally understand. ”

“Of course. ”

She leaned in. They kissed. Jax walked back to his truck alone.

And cursed the shit out of Lexi.

Inside the cab, Tawna’s perfume still lingered. Floral and sweet. She was a good person, and Jax hated himself for disappointing her. Hurting her. He slammed his palm against the steering wheel and laid his head back, closing his eyes.

Lexi instantly filled his mind like she did every time he closed his eyes. Which was stupid, because he’d never seen her. Not really. Yes, he’d seen shadows, silhouettes, glimpses of that one crystal blue eye, golden eyelashes, and full pink lips in the light of his phone. But that was it. And over the last three weeks, even those small details had faded from his mind. Now he was doing more imagining than remembering, because in reality, she was nothing more than a shadow.