Ben
I’m exhausted by the time I climb into my car to head home from the hospital. Every day without Kat gets a little harder, not easier. I hurt more, not less. And now, two weeks from the last time I kissed her, I’m as hollow as the shell of a cocoon.
I turn the key and let the SUV idle while I think about Kat. I’ve seen her a few times over the last couple of weeks, either when she’s walked Violet home or when I’ve picked Violet up from the marina. She’s the same woman I met almost two months ago, beautiful and easygoing, but now also distant, guarded, and not any happier than I am.
There’s only one thing that’s going to tell me whether I did the right thing by ending our relationship, and that’s time. Unfortunately, if I was wrong, it will be too late to do anything about it.
I wish I could see the future as clearly as I could when I called off our relationship.
Pulling out of my parking spot, I head home, trying to brush away the darkness so I can be one hundred percent Dad when I get there.
Spring break is coming up soon, and if I want to take the girls somewhere, I need to make reservations. I nix the idea of camping as soon as it comes to mind. That’s way too much work for me to be considered a vacation. Theme park also gets killed almost immediately. Jazz isn’t big enough to go on many of the rides, but Poppy is too scared to go without me.
Santa Barbara is probably the best idea. There’s the zoo and shopping and a natural history museum. I could probably manage kayaking if Jazz went in a boat with me and Poppy went in a boat with Violet.
But the idea leaves me listless, prompting my thoughts toward Kat. If I hadn’t messed that up, we could have rented a sailboat and have Kat take us out to the Channel Islands. We could take hikes and snorkel. We could all learn to sail. It would have been the perfect introduction to the amazing life Kat offered us less than a month ago. I can’t help but think about getting the kids back on the boat after a fun day, eating dinner on the deck, lying in the forward hammocks strung between the hulls, watching the sun set with a glass of wine.
As I turn the corner toward the house, a smile is tugging at my mouth and my heart feels light. Until I come up on the entrance to the marina and realize I killed that dream before it even had time to materialize.
I make a split-second decision to turn, and instead of continuing home, I pull to a stop near Kat’s truck. The docks are quiet. I know Violet isn’t here because she’s got gymnastics practice this afternoon, but I don’t see or hear Kat either, and there’s no construction happening on the market at the front of the property. Kat probably ended work early today. She’s either in her houseboat or with one of the other women.
I should leave. I don’t even know why I stopped. Maybe just to feel closer to her.
I’m about to take my foot off the brake and turn around when I see movement on the dock. Chloe just left her houseboat and is headed toward the parking lot. Now I have to stay and say hi or I’ll look like a creepy stalker.
Chloe waves, and I roll down my window. She’s smiling as she comes up to the driver’s side of the car. “Hey, you.” She looks into the SUV. “No kids?”
“On my way home from work. I forgot Violet wasn’t coming today.”
“For the rest of the week, actually. KT went out of town.”
That surprises me. “She did?” It’s none of my business, but I ask anyway. “Where?”
“Guatemala.”
That surprises me even more. Then I think of Jaime, and all my muscles coil tight again. I can’t help but wonder if she’s rebounding with the old flame somewhere tropical and—
“She got a lead on a sailboat,” Chloe says. “Said it’s the exact kind she’s been looking for. Supposedly, a deal she couldn’t pass up.”
“Oh.” The word comes out on an exhale. “Did she…go with anyone?”
“No, she doesn’t need anyone.” Chloe grins. “I swear she knows more about sailboats than the navy.”
She doesn’t need anyone. The phrase pulls up a vivid memory from about a month ago and Kat saying, I never need anyone. Least of all a man. I never have. But, that said, there’s no denying that I want you. I want you more than I’ve wanted anyone in longer than I can remember.
My gut aches, but I force a smile. “Thanks.”
“Are you doing okay?” Chloe asks, more serious. “KT told me you two called things off.”
I release a long breath. “Yeah, I did.” I rest my elbow on the window ledge and rub my forehead. “I don’t know what I am, but I’ve got three little girls who need me to be okay, so…”
“The show goes on.”
“Yep.”
Chloe doesn’t turn to leave. She doesn’t ask any questions. She just waits with a still, solid presence I find soothing.
“Kat always says she’s at a disadvantage because she’s never been in a relationship,” I say, “but in truth, I think she’s coping with all this way better than I ever did.”