Swept Away (Wildfire Lake 3)

“I didn’t—” I put up my hands. “Never mind.” I rest my head in my hand again. “Can we drop the whole Xavier thing? I can only handle one man mess at a time.”

My mind swamps with everything I’ve learned over the last twenty minutes—Bodhi came halfway across the world to tell me he wants me back. I have to spend the next ten days with a guy who deliberately betrayed me—repeatedly. Xavier’s lips are so much softer than I imagined.

I shake the last one from my head, but my heart is still pounding too hard.

“What did he say to you?” KT asks.

“Just a bunch of bullshit. Said he didn’t tell me he was coming because he was afraid I wouldn’t talk to him, that he wants me back, that he made a mistake, blah, blah, blah.” I cover my face and yell, “What. Is. Happening?”

“We can get out of the contract,” Laiyla says. “Our lawyer made sure we were covered. And we could have the lawyer threaten to sue Bodhi if he slanders us. He shouldn’t get an opportunity to hurt you, Chloe. Not again.”

That last comment clears a little fog from my head. “You’re right, he shouldn’t.” I drop my hands, but my head is now pounding. “But ultimately, that’s up to me, not him. And I’m not going to let him damage all we’ve built together just so I can avoid a little discomfort. I’m better than that.”

KT nods in agreement, adding, “Stronger than that.”

“I bet he’s trying to ride your coattails,” Laiyla says. “He’s put out a book under his new name, new company. Sounds like he’s looking for a fresh start. What better way to garner attention for his work than to hit you up—the master of manifesting miracles—for an endorsement?”

“If I were a master at manifesting miracles,” I mutter, “he wouldn’t be here.”

“Maybe he’s not the miracle,” KT says. “Maybe Xavier’s the miracle.”

I give her a stop-or-I’ll-kill-you look.

“Maybe Bodhi thinks attempting to rekindle things will soften you up to the idea,” Laiyla says.

And, great, the fact that he came all this way to get an endorsement and not because he really wants me makes me feel even shittier. Which is ludicrous because he’s a bastard. “What is wrong with me? Why can’t I think straight?”

“Sounds to me like you’ve given your ego the reins,” KT says.

I cut a look at her. “You actually sound like you know what you’re talking about.”

“I read your book and listen to your podcasts.”

“So have I,” Laiyla says, “but I never come up with those zingers.”

KT smirks, looks at the nails of one hand, then brushes them against her chest. “It’s a gift.”

At any other time, I would laugh and tease them both. But KT is so right. My ego is screaming, and I need to gag it before I lose my ever-loving mind.

I scrape my lower lip between my teeth, hold my head with both hands, and take seven deep breaths. Seven is the magic number for calm.

KT and Laiyla are quiet as I settle, and when I open my eyes again, my thoughts are far more linear than they were seven breaths ago.

“Most people here have to know us as a couple at one time,” I say. “We did everything together—wrote, practiced, traveled, taught. There are still publications and videos circulating from our work together.”

I rest my forehead against my fingers and massage at the thump growing in my skull. “The heart of my brand is personal strength and integrity. I encourage people to mend or abandon toxic relationships and situations. I’ve been a role model for those actions and an example of how easily it can happen to anyone. I can’t just act like it’s okay that he’s here.”

I realize that this is way less about Bodhi being here than it is about sticking to my personal dedication to my work. I strive to walk the walk, remain as nonjudgmental as humanly and imperfectly possible, foster acceptance of what is, and learn from it.

I huff a disgusted laugh. “I’m such a fucking fraud.”

“What?” Laiyla and KT say at the same time.

“That’s bullshit,” KT adds.

“I’ve spent over a year trying to recover and heal and grow. I’ve built an entire life on teaching others how to do the same. I’m writing fucking books, words and ideas that sink into the minds of thousands, yet here I am, losing my shit. My life is a house of cards, flying apart with one strong gust.”

“Don’t you dare belittle yourself like this,” KT says. “You’d be the first person to jump to our defense if this was happening to one of us.”