Swept Away (Wildfire Lake 3)

I’m not pretty enough, I’m not young enough, I’m not flirty enough, I’m not exciting enough, I’m not smart enough. I’m not enough enough.

Before I can stop it, my mind flashes with snapshots of Xavier doing exactly what he did with me less than half an hour ago, only now he’s doing it all with Charity.

Even though I recognize this as a bad habit stemming from Bodhi’s betrayal, I can’t control the pain that stabs my gut. In the hateful fog, I can’t remember why Xavier and I are pretending. Or why we agreed to stop pretending. Or why I agreed to this in the first place.

I squeeze my eyes closed, quickly center myself—something I can do in seconds after years of practice—and banish my ego to the dungeon. Still, its slimy footprints remain, so I look at Charity, her perfect grin beaming at Xavier, and catalogue everything I like about her.

“That green is a beautiful color on you,” I say honestly.

Complimenting people I’m intensely jealous of is the fastest way I’ve found to pull my vibration up from the basement. It’s also something I can do honestly, making it that much more positive and powerful.

Her gaze leaves Xavier’s, and her smile turns on me—along with every other gaze at the table, sans the kids. Laiyla and KT know what I’m doing and why, which only makes me more self-conscious.

“Thank you,” she says.

“Really brings out your eyes.”

She looks down at her shirt, then does one of those adorable slightly self-conscious shifts on her feet. “I never thought about that. Thanks. My mom raves about your hot yoga classes.”

“Good to hear.”

“What can I get you to drink?” she asks.

Strongest thing you’ve got, and make it a double. “Soda water, please.”

“Absolutely.” She takes Xavier’s drink order, then taps his shoulder with the order pad and shoots him a flirty “Call me.”

He opens his mouth to speak, but she’s long gone, weaving her way through customers and tables. Xavier lets the breath slide from his lungs, and while he doesn’t look at me, I can read the fuck-me expression on his face.

“What’s everyone getting?” I ask, my gaze on the menu.

Ben and Levi answer, followed by the kids. Laiyla and KT know I’m making conversation to divert attention. Xavier’s hand slides beneath my hair and gives my neck a gentle squeeze.

After we order, everyone settles into comfortable conversation. We’ve all got a lot in common, so we can talk for hours. Having the kids here is nice because I’m so easily distracted by their preciousness. But we can barely have one full conversation without people coming to the table to say hello or chat—to Levi about building projects, to Laiyla about the wedding, to Ben about health or the girls, to KT about anything marine or mechanical, to me about the retreat or the studio, and to Xavier about dates.

By the time the third woman hits him up for a phone call, I’ve maneuvered Jazz between him and me to get some relief from his touch while I help her play the games on the kid’s coloring sheet.

I’m already convinced this is going to be the longest dinner in history when Sienna Peyton stops at the table after spending a little too much time at the bar. She’s a divorced mother of two, and I know she has her hands full. She totally deserves a night off. Even deserves some great sex. But every woman to hit on Xavier drops my self-esteem another notch.

Do I purposely choose the kind of men other women want? Or do I somehow scream date me, you’ll totally get away with cheating? Then again, maybe there is something deep in my psyche that I haven’t dealt with which causes this to happen.

I focus all my brain cells on finding C-A-T in the word search with Jazz, when I feel Xavier’s hand slide over my hair.

“Actually, I’m off the market,” he tells Sienna. “Chloe and I are seeing each other.”

My gaze darts to Xavier, and a zing courses down my spine, but I’m not sure if it’s a good zing or a bad zing.

“Really?” she says, as if he’s told her he was dating a unicorn.

“Really,” he says.

“I thought you two would never figure that out,” she says, then slaps his shoulder. “Good for you.”

And she moves on.

Xavier slides me a see-we-should-have-done-this-sooner look that makes me smile.

“You won’t have to put up with women hitting on him much anymore,” KT says. “That news will be all over Wildfire by morning.”