Black Knight (Royal Elite 4)

“I’d take a million flights because of you.” He reaches a hand to loosen his tie, then realises it’s not there and lets his arm drop to his side. “You’re not a burden, Angel. You’re my only daughter. I know I’ve been a failure, but I’ll work harder for you – for us and our family. I just need you to talk to me.”

My chin trembles and it takes everything in me not to take refuge in him. I can’t bother Dad. He’s a busy man and doesn’t need this whole mess in his life.

“Please, Angel. Please let me help you…” His voice breaks and the first tears flow down my cheeks simultaneously.

“D-Daddy, I don’t want to see Mum, please? I don’t want to see how much she hates me and is disappointed in me.”

His jaw tics and he says in an eloquent voice, “You won’t. I promise.”

“What if… What if Mum hates me, what if she –”

“Fuck her,” he snaps, then forces a smile. “If she hates you, it’s only because she thinks you’re a reflection of her ugliness. It’s not you, Kim. It’s her and her self-image and her damn artistic philosophy. I’m so sorry I didn’t take the time to tell you this earlier. I’m so sorry, Angel.”

Those words are my undoing.

I lunge at him, wrapping my arms around his waist and burying my head in his shoulder.

The sobs that rise from my chest are ugly and unhinged, but I don’t stop.

I can’t stop.

It’s as if I’ve been waiting my entire life for a moment like this. It’s even better than the purge I felt whenever I cut or popped those pills.

Those were imaginary and temporary releases; this one is real.

All too real.

Dad smells of sandalwood and cosy nights. His embrace brings back my childhood days when he used to carry me on his shoulders and just take me out.

When he used to let me sleep in his embrace whenever I was spooked by a nightmare.

When he used to play with me and read me stories after Nana couldn’t.

That Daddy was a part of my armour against Mum.

I lost him to his job and was never able to get him back.

“K-Kir,” I manage between sobs. “I-is he here? Don’t let him see me this way, Dad.”

“Don’t worry, he’s with Henry.”

Oh, thank God. I can’t scar him again.

What is wrong with me?

How could I do this without thinking of the other people my life? How could I not think of Kirian and how alone he’d be in the world? How could I not think of Dad, who, even though he’s holding me and whispering soothing words to me, his chest rises and falls with harsh breaths as if he’s about to combust?

I was going to leave Dad and Kir behind. I was going to stab them in the chest and go without thinking about the depth of the wound I caused.

?

?I’m so sorry, Daddy.” I hiccough, my voice muffled with his shirt.

“I’m sorry, too, Angel. I’m sorry I didn’t see this sooner or protect you sooner.”

“D-don’t say that, Daddy. You always protected me.”

“Not enough.”