Caramel Flava

“If you had another man, I could understand and I’d let this go. But just being in church isn’t a reason to push me away. Marry me and do whatever it takes to make you feel good in church. But don’t let this go—even God wants us to be happy.” He entwined his warm, strong fingers with hers. “Doesn’t it say somewhere in the Bible that we’re supposed to make a joyful noise and serve God with gladness and thanksgiving?”

She simply nodded.

“Well, you’ve been in church for the past three months and at night it doesn’t sound like you’re making a joyful noise. It sounds like you’re crying because you’re lonely and have an empty space right here,” he said, placing his hand gently over her heart. “Marry me and make me happy and I’ll make you happy. You can have two men in your life—God and me.” He smiled slyly. “I’m sure He won’t mind sharing just a part of you with me. That’s what He intended.”

She smiled as she thought about what Mario said. And how the simple things she did meant so much to him. She did them naturally because of his kindness and because he appreciated everything. When she placed a meal in front of him, he savored every bite, even the new dishes she tried strictly to please him. He enjoyed them mostly because she took the time to do it for him. The thought made her tremble as reality struck. She’d had to jump through hoops for other men—flaming hoops at that—and the relationships still never seemed to make her happy.

She realized that maybe the fact that she felt settled and more peaceful when Mario was with her said it might be something more. The everyday relationship was far from the fireworks she had experienced with other men, but those fireworks had made her do some foolish things, and she’d ended up unhappy anyway.

Sometimes a woman had to go for sparkle instead of fireworks; sparkle could stay consistent, fireworks died out. As Mario held her, she felt warm, loved, and complete. That sparkle was fast turning into pure dynamite!

She reached up to touch his face, fingers trembling as she tried to hide her emotions. “I’m scared, Mario. Really, really scared. This is so different than what I want. So different than what I?

?expected. I’m afraid and I don’t know how to stop being afraid.”

“You think that I’m not afraid, too? I see the looks that couples like us get on the street—brothers ready to tear me a new asshole because I’m with you. My people believe this is all about sex and that I couldn’t want more from you than that.”

He kissed her then.

She pulled away. “My family won’t agree with this and they—”

A single finger silenced her. “Your family’s not here right now. They don’t get a vote. Mine don’t get a vote. You do. We do. We say what’s right for us. ’Cause at the end of the day, when the door is closed and the outside world isn’t looking in—there’s only us.”

She took a minute to absorb that, then said, “But what if I want a man that’s already successful, not a man that’s just making it? My father and mother struggled all their lives.”

“Why does it have to be one person making that money? Why can’t it be something we build together? A business maybe?” He sighed, letting out a long, slow breath. “Six figures isn’t hard to make with a good plan. Keeping it is another story. It takes strength. It takes determination. It takes teamwork. I think we’d be a good team. Don’t you?”

She searched his eyes for a moment, as the real reason she had held back for so long came to the forefront. “Mario, I don’t know how to say this…”

“Just say it, baby. We’re laying it all on the line now.”

Niyah swallowed hard. “I probably won’t ever love you as much as you love me.”

He winced just a little, enough to know that she had hurt him again, then his sexy lips lifted in a small, bitter smile. “Has that ever really been the problem?” He kissed her fingertips. “Open your heart, Niyah, stop trying to find excuses. If it wasn’t me, it would be some other man you’d push away for the very same reason—or one like it.” Mario pulled her into him. “I won’t hurt you, mi vida. Hurting you would only be hurting myself.”

At those words, she began to cry. Tears that she never knew she’d held inside. Tears for him. Tears for all she’d missed out on. He leaned in, kissing away the salty wetness flowing down her cheeks, then held her until her sobs had passed.

“I’m not unreasonable about things, you know,” he said after a moment. “We can always talk and work things out. Communication. My parents talk all the time.” Then he laughed. “More like argue and fuss at a hellified volume. Mama’s no joke with a rolling pin.”

Niyah laughed with him.

“But they’ve been together for fifty years.” He took a moment to let that sink in. “Mom wasn’t in love with Dad at first—but it happened. And no one could tell the difference—not then and not now.”

With that, he curled her into his arms, carried her to bed and made love to her so tenderly the only thing she could do was cling to him, hold on to him—and admit one thing: It was better to have a man who loved her more than she loved him, than to be as lonely and miserable as she had been for the past three months. She opened to him slowly, allowing him to penetrate deeply, then he froze, pulling her to him, holding them connected—sensually, completely—as he whispered over and over, “Mi vida, my love, te amo, te amo…”

Within a few weeks they were married, with her neighbors looking on. The neighbors actually used the money collected from the women’s “Mario should make it back in” and the men’s “Niyah won’t last another day without sex” funds to buy the newlyweds wonderful wedding gifts.

Mario was right. She fell in love with him a little more each day. She appreciated him and his unwavering love for her. He was a good friend, a good provider, and a damn good lover. What more could she ask for?

Mario was also a lot more intelligent than he gave himself credit for—than she gave him credit for. She was ashamed she didn’t see that in the beginning. She’d been too busy trying to stay “safe.” Now her heart was safe with him!

At the beginning of the year, he proposed an idea for a document services business that encompassed his managerial skills and what he had learned at the law firm. She helped him put the plan into action. That six-figure salary might be within reach after all.

Content with what they had, he loved her like no other, always treating her like a queen. She accepted him as her true soul mate and watched him become stronger and more confident in their relationship—the way she wanted him to be in the beginning. The way he always was, but was afraid to be with her. She became happier, softer, and more loving.

She also started going to another church, one that Mario had begun attending during her months of celibacy. His church wasn’t about religion. It was more about positive affirmations, and being joyful, prayerful, and true to one’s self.

Lord knows they still needed to be in church. As much as they made love, it had to be a sin.