Nervous

After hanging up, I immediately called Momma to apologize for not meeting her for dinner as promised the day before.

She answered on the second ring, apparently using her caller ID. “Jonquinette, I really have nothing to say to you at the present time. I will call you next week.”

“Momma, what’s wrong?” I asked. “I was just calling to apologize for—”

“As well you should. I still can’t believe you spoke to me like that last night.”

“Last night? I met you?”

Momma paused. “Don’t play dumb with me. You know good and damn well you not only met me but you accused me of being a common whore.”

“Momma, I didn’t—”

“Don’t say another word. I’m busy. I have work to do. Although to hear you tell it, I spend all of my time on my knees or back.”

Before I could get something together to say, she hung up on me.

• • •

I couldn’t wait for my next appointment with Dr. Spencer, which was two days away, so I called and requested to see her that afternoon. By two, I was in her waiting room.

“What’s wrong, Jonquinette?” she asked when I finally managed to get into her office.

“Something bad happened last night,” I managed to say through tear-drenched eyes.

“Something bad like what?”

“I was supposed to meet my mother for dinner and I went to church and everything was fine but then . . . then I don’t know what happened after that.”

“You mean you blacked out?”

“Exactly. I must have because I did meet her for dinner. At least, that’s what she said.”

“And what else did she say?”

“She accused me of calling her names and suggesting she was a whore and who knows what else.”

Dr. Spencer propped her elbows on her desk. “But you didn’t do any of it?”

“No, I mean yes. I mean, I guess I did. Who else could it have been?”

“Jonquinette, I’ve done a lot of thinking about you since our first visit. Have you ever considered the fact that you might have multiple personalities?”

I almost fainted. “Once or twice, but that doesn’t make sense. Then again, none of this makes sense.”

“I really would like to explore that possibility. You have been plagued by these blackouts for a long time and obviously you are doing these things. Too many people have accused you.”

I sunk down in the chair. “There was this one incident. When I was younger, in my teens, I heard my parents arguing one night.”

“About?” she asked.

“My father was trying to convince my mother that I needed counseling. She wouldn’t hear of it.”

“So your father felt you needed therapy?”

“Yes, he did. I often wonder if that’s what broke them up. I know that I was responsible for part of it. But then there was the other thing . . . ”

I lowered my eyes to the floor. I really didn’t want to put my parents’ business out there that way, but opening up was opening up. I could tell she was waiting for me to continue.