The Other Side of the Pillow
He let go of my hand, thank goodness, and then picked up his menu. “While we wait for the wine, do you want to decide on dinner?”
I picked up my menu as well. It was expensive on my salary, but since it was on him, I planned to try out something good. The waiter brought the wine and Tevin sniffed a small amount that was poured into a glass, swirled it around, and then tasted it. “That’s fine,” he told the waiter who then poured us both glasses.
The waiter set the remainder of the bottle down. “Would you like to order now, sir?”
“Give us a few moments. We’re still deciding.”
He walked off and I asked, “If I’m not being too nosey, how much does Cakebread cost?”
Tevin shrugged. “About three hundred for the bottle.”
I almost leapt out of my seat. “Three hundred for something to sip on!”
He chuckled and pointed at my glass. “Aren’t you even going to taste it?”
I took a sip of the wine and I had to admit, “It’s amazing!”
“You’re amazing!” Tevin gazed into my eyes. “I only hope that you one day realize that . . . or realize that again.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“You’re so busy trying to construct walls around something so special that needs to be exposed to the world. There is a vulnerability in you that you refuse to set free. You believe that every man is going to use, hurt, or abuse you in some way. Not all men are alike.”
“So you keep saying.”
“I keep saying it because it’s the truth.” He paused and drank some more wine. “Jemistry, why do you think that you’re not worthy of being loved? Truly loved by a man who desires the same thing as you?”
“My only desire is to live my life, drama- and disease-free. I want to keep working hard, prove myself, and move up to a higher position in the school system. I’ve only been a principal for a few years, but I truly believe that I can become superintendent one day. If not here in DC, then possibly in one of the local suburbs in Maryland or Virginia. Even if I have to relocate across country to realize my dream, I will. That’s another reason why I don’t need to be tied down.”
“It’s not about someone tying you down. It’s about someone lifting you up even further than you already are.”
“You do realize we met last night, right?” I asked jokingly.
“I go after what I want.”
I blushed. “But you don’t even know me like that. Tevin, you’re a tall, handsome surgeon. I’m quite sure that women fall all over you wherever you go. You have this commanding presence and, even in the brief amount of time since we’ve met, I’ve seen how women stare at you.” I looked around the room. “Even in here.”
“So, that means that I have to entertain them because they look?”
“No, but—”
“Men look at you as well. I looked at you when you were on that stage last night pouring out all your emotions. You want to be loved, Jemistry, and I want to be loved. We both want the same thing, so I say that we mark that as our goal and make a road map to get there.”
This man has rendered me speechless!
I cleared my throat, drank some wine, and concentrated on the menu. He was determined to turn this into some kind of fairy tale and I was going to fight it tooth and nail. I realized that nothing was holding me there and I could have gotten up and walked out. But there was no way that I could do something mean like that to a man who had shown me nothing but attention and
kindness thus far.
It’s only a matter of time before he fucks up and gives me an excuse to stop speaking to him!
* * *
Dinner was fantastic! I had the fried red chili calamari as an appetizer and the stuffed shrimp with pasta as my entrée. Tevin had the jumbo lump crab cake for an appetizer and the Greek branzino for his main meal. That wine was all up in my head so I passed on the chocolate chip cheesecake, even though it looked delicious.
The conversation had remained deep, but interesting. Tevin opened up to me about his past relationships. He had been married before, but everything fell apart when his wife had her third miscarriage. He said the pain had become too much for both of them; she had shut down emotionally and it eventually led to a divorce. When he said that, I was wondering why he would want to become involved with another woman who was already emotionally shut down . . . me.
They had attempted counseling; he had taken her on a series of Caribbean vacations to try to get the spark back, but nothing had worked. One thing that I could ascertain clearly was that he had loved her with all his heart. That made me jealous and I could not help but wonder if I could ever replace her. Then again, I should not have even been contemplating all of that. I was going to refuse to fall for him.