The Other Side of the Pillow

“Yeah, well, that makes two of us,” she replied and switched her tote to the other arm.

“You need me to carry that for you?”

“No, I’m fine.”

We stood there in silence. My shuttle pulled up and I pretended like I didn’t even see it while other people boarded.

“Weren’t you waiting on that bus?” Jemistry asked and pointed.

“I’m not walking away from you. Not again. I should’ve let you call the police on me that night and waited for them to drag me out of there. If it gave me five or ten more minutes with you, it would’ve been worth it. But I’m not ever walking away from you again. You’re going to have to walk away from me.”

Jemistry turned her back to me and took a few steps. My heart sank. I wanted to cry out to her, but what else was there to say? I’d already told her that I hadn’t betrayed her. I’d already professed my undying love for her. I’d already told her that I’d rather die than be without her.

I turned around and faced the curb and started wiping away the tears falling down my face. Seconds seemed like hours. A few people started looking at me, but I didn’t care, and I couldn’t help it. What I felt was real and, contrary to what many believe, a real man will cry over his emotions.

Then I felt her hand on my back, and smelled her perfume. “Tevin? Tevin?”

I turned and looked down at her. She had removed her sunglasses and I was staring into her beautiful eyes. “I want to believe you, I do. It’s just that the last thing that I expected was to come home that day and—”

“Baby, think about it. Do you honestly believe that I would make plans to cook you a romantic dinner, and then try to fuck your roommate when you could show up at any minute? Even if I was the biggest man whore on the planet, which I’m not, I’m not that damn stupid.”

She bit her bottom lip and continued to gaze at me.

“You said yourself that Winsome was promiscuous and you also know that she didn’t want you to move in with me. We’d talked about that; we’d discussed it.

“That day, when I was grilling the fish, I told Winsome that I wanted us to make it official. Not only had I planned to ask you to move in, I was going to propose.”

“Propose?”

“Yes, propose. I bought you a ring when we were in the Caymans. That day that I said I was going out for a run. Instead, I went into town and purchased a ring. A ring that I still have to this day because I’ve never given up hope on us. I’ve tried to accept losing you, but that’s an impossible concept to me.”

“I . . .”

“Jemistry, all I want you to do is analyze this, and I know for a fact that you have before. It’s in your nature. Even though it may seem easier to believe that I’m the typical man who would think with his dick, you know that I’m not that man. I’m your man.

“Which one of us had more to gain by you walking in on us that day? Winsome or me?”

“Winsome got kicked out!”

“Yes, but she went out with a bang. She wanted to see you hurt because she was trying to be selfish and controlling. She couldn’t stand to see you be happy. She couldn’t stomach the thought of you finding true love with anyone. It had nothing to even do with me. It had everything to do with her being jealous of you.

“You weren’t throwing pity parties with her all the time anymore. You weren’t telling every man in the world to kiss your ass. You weren’t spending as much time at home, and how dare you actually consider moving out and making her become self-sufficient or find another roommate. That was the ultimate straw to her.

“She didn’t have that shit planned, but she was quick on the draw, and it worked. It worked like a motherfucking charm. She played on your history of getting rid of men and she knew exactly what trigger to push to make you eject me out of your life.

“But I’m always going to love you, whether you love me back or not. You can’t tell me that I can’t love you . . . no one can. I’ll go to my grave loving you, no matter what.”

Jemistry looked like she was about to cry, but she fought it. She did a better job than me.

“My car is in the daily lot,” she finally said. “I’ll leave here and drive directly to your house. I’ll meet you there . . . so we can talk.”

I was scared to let her out of my sight. “You promise?”

“I promise.” She pushed her suitcase toward me. “Here, take my suitcase so you’ll know I’m serious.”

I picked up her bag as she started backing away, still maintaining eye contact. “We should talk. There’s a lot that I need to tell you as well.”

I grinned, an authentic grin for the first time in months. “If you beat me there, your key still works.”