Finding Our Way (Finding our Way 1)

Embarrassment floods my cheeks and I look around to see if anyone heard. But the people around us are all lying back with headphones, watching the in-flight movie.

“Don’t be embarrassed, it was the highlight of my life so far. I dream about the feeling of your soft, sweet lips on mine. You have to understand where I was coming from. You were fifteen years old, I was almost nineteen. Leaving for college in a few weeks. And you should have been off-limits.”

I think about it for a second and see his point.

“Okay, but don’t flatter me. I’m sure a baby on the way and proposing to your girlfriend trumps a kiss from a lovesick teenager.”

“No.”

I roll my eyes and reach for his beer, which he quickly replaces with my soda.

“Fuck!” he groans rubbing his hands over his face. “Shit this is hard.”

“You know what? Let’s not make it hard. Let’s not talk at all. I’ve personally had enough. I’ll go back to sleep and you can watch the movie. Then when we get to Aspen, we can go our separate ways.”

“How do you propose we do that? We’re in the same house.”

“Not if I go to Nashville!” I slap my hand over my mouth, cursing myself for saying my plan verbally.

“You wouldn’t. Your parents would be so upset.”

“They would understand. They’ve always understood,” I whisper, and watch his face fall.

“Shit, that explains it.”

He throws his head back and drains his beer, then turns to me and pleads. “Please listen to me, Devon. Let me explain. Since the day you turned eighteen, my life has been a rollercoaster. I’ve had to make some really hard decisions and the one person I wanted to throw a joke at me or make me smile has been gone.”

My heart beats so loud it’s a wonder my chest isn’t pulsing. I want to tell him no, just to leave the past in the past, but I can’t. “Okay.”

He motions for another beer and I give him my drink to throw away. The little I sipped, threatening to come back up. My mind is telling me to just hear him out, but my gut is saying he’s about to crush me again.

“Where should I start?”

“Wherever you want.”

He sighs and then turns his whole body to me, knees and chest trapping me in.

“Nate and I had a plan. Officer Candidate School after college. Serving our country, being the men we wanted to be. Our plan was in sync until I met Holli. She was easy, a simple distraction. I swear it was only casual. About three months after we met, she became clingy. She had a fit when you and Quinn visited. She knew who you were. Not just Nate’s little sister, but she knew who you were to me. What you meant. I blew her off all weekend and she saw us at the bowling alley that Saturday night.

“The week of your birthday and graduation, she tried to pin me down on the status of our relationship. I explained there was no relationship. She told me she was late and took a test that morning. She was pregnant. My world stopped. I knew that she wasn’t who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but what about the innocent child? He or she never needed to know their mother was a quick lay.”

I wince and he notices.

“This isn’t a pretty story, Devon. But I’ll always be completely honest with you. Especially about this.”

“Go on.”

“She tricked me. I wanted to talk to my parents alone, but she showed up to our apartment with her bag packed and convinced Nate I invited her home with us. He played along since he couldn’t find me. But when I got there and found her, I was livid. She gave me an ultimatum. Either I introduce her to my parents, or she made a decision about keeping the baby alone. I caved. When she met my parents that night she played me. She made our relationship seem stable, committed and then let the pregnancy slip. My mom was shocked. My dad knew right away something was wrong. We talked that night after Mom and Holli went to bed and he made me understand my obligations were clear. Finishing school, OCS, and being a good father.

“The next morning, my mom asked me if our relationship was serious enough for me to marry Holli and she walked in. Her reaction was disturbing. She jumped on me and accepted a marriage proposal that never occurred. We had to be at your house in a few hours and I called Nate to tell him what happened. We knew she was crazy, but Nate didn’t want to ruin anyone’s day. My mom knew I was unhappy, but made the effort to keep

Holli satisfied. When she saw you coming down the stairs that day, she stiffened and held onto me. I knew it was going to be bad.”

“So you never proposed to her? She wasn’t your fiancée?”

“Never. When we went back to UT, I had a heart to heart with her. Using my parents’ words of wisdom, I explained I would be the best dad in the world, but I didn’t love her and had no plans to marry her. She turned against me for days, threatening to end the pregnancy, and I was a wreck. Once again, I caved and promised to give the relationship a chance. She was a manipulative bitch, but she was carrying my child. I tried, I really did. But nothing ever developed on my end. When she lost the baby, we were in the movies. She started cramping and panting hard. I knew something was wrong, but she ignored it—saying we were on a real date. Finally I forced her to the hospital, where she miscarried. It was devastating. She hung to me, and I let her. Her parents live in Utah, so I took her to mom and dad’s to rest for a week.”

“That’s so sad, I’m sorry.” Two tears fall down my face as I think of anyone losing a child.