Finding Our Course (Finding our Way 3)

I jump down and go straight to him. “I promise, Bryce, I’ll never hold back again.”

He shakes his head back and forth and hangs it between his arms. “I can’t be Shawn.” He repeats.

“You won’t be.” I crouch, trying to see his face.

“I will! You leave me for something like that, I’d turn to the bottle and not care. We HAVE to be stronger than this, Devon! You promised me we’d talk when things got tough. What happened?”

I close my eyes and swallow hard. He blames himself, and it’s my fault. “Never again.”

“How can I trust that?” he asks, rejected.

I melt and press myself into his arms. He doesn’t grab hold like normal, and I start to panic. Then I nuzzle into his neck. He still doesn’t respond. “I hurt,” I admit. “But when she said she had your ‘dick in her mouth’, I saw black. My life was pathetic without you. I promise to talk to you about every small, insignificant detail for the rest of our lives, even if the women in the nursing home hit on you.”

He rumbles something under his breath and finally reacts. “You’ll never understand how much I love you. For months, I’ve told you, tried to reassure you that my heart is yours. You said you believed me. You said you loved me, too. How did we get here, to this hell where you think I’d cheat and lose you?”

“I think I know how much you love me.”

“Yes, you know how much I love you, but do you know how much I love us? Do you finally understand?”

It hits me full force. The light finally shines, and I get it. For the first time in our relationship, I realize Bryce’s vulnerability is as strong as mine. Each time he declares I’m his, he’s reassuring us both. Somewhere along the way, I lost that direction and let self-doubt creep in and plague my securities. Things are now crystal clear.

I inhale loudly, stomach clenching, and he chuckles. “You get it.”

“You’re mine.” I steal his words.

“Always,” he confirms. “You are my life.”

His words sink in, and I press as close as possible, trying to relay the same message. After a few minutes of holding each other, I push forward needing a few more answers.

“Bryce.” I kiss his head everywhere. “I need to know what happened after my freak out.”

“Besides me telling Liza, in front of a fuckload of people at Tommy’s, to kiss my ass and she’s a worthless piece of shit— waste of space. Her plan to chase you away failed and she’s fucked with the wrong person. I may have also said something to the effect that it’s no wonder she’s a single, miserable, vile bitch.”

“Yeah, all of it.” I grin at the image.

He lifts his head and focuses on the peanut butter. “How about I tell you in the bed? Then feed you?”

I look down at myself and feel gross. When we crawl back into his bed, I’d like to have a clear head and clean body. Even though I showered last night, the faint smell of vomit clings to me. “Can we bathe before?”

“Together?”

I nod.

“Then the answer is yes.”

I scurry to his bathroom and strip, filling his small bath with warm water. He joins me, and for the first time, his eyes don’t heat, instead fill with sorrow. I reach for him, and he steps back, leaning against the wall. I switch off the water and wait for him to speak.

“You are my compass.” He steps forward and runs his finger around my tattoo. “And my anchor.”

I stay quiet, knowing he’s fighting back something deep inside.

“I wouldn’t have let her get away with it. If she’d have succeeded in taking you away from me, I’d have made her life hell on earth.”

This strikes a nerve that has been bothering me since this morning. “Bryce, what was her end game? If she knows you at all, she knows that you

’d hate her guts, never forgive her, and there’s no way you’d be a couple.”

“She’s deluded. She wants the ‘thought’ of me—good-looking, intelligent, goal-oriented, expansive Naval opportunities. This is not me being conceited. These are words she repeated to Dani and Nicole. In her mind, I’d have forgiven her. She had no idea of the depth of our relationship and seriously thought she could compete with our history. With Nate as my best friend, it never occurred to her I could love you like I do. She never took the time to get to know my fascination and level of devotion.”