Surrendering (Surrender 1)

Since its Monday ni

ght, I have dance and then I need to work on my portion for a group project in one of my classes. It’s been a week since I saw Declan and Sami at his house. My mood has improved slightly, but I still feel raw.

I’m preoccupied in my head so I don’t notice the Yukon parked on the street when I get home. I get halfway up the walk before I see him in the doorway. I immediately freeze, taking in his appearance. His clothes are wrinkled and he hasn’t shaved, but he still looks hot. I see the ring in his lip and notice he’s lapping his lips over it to turn it. It’s incredibly sexy. Before I can do anything stupid, I turn to my car. I need to get out of here. I’m almost to the driver’s door when he meets up with me.

“Raven, please talk to me. I am so fucking sorry! SO FUCKING SORRY! I’m a complete asshole and I never deserved you. I made a snap judgment when I saw those pictures. I was crazy jealous because I spent the best night of my entire life with you. You had started to open up to me and I knew we had something special. But when I saw you on the arms of those other guys and the way they looked at you, I thought something was going on. I felt like an idiot and I took it out on you. Please come inside and talk to me.”

He’s so close to me that I almost can’t breathe. Every time I take a breath, I can smell his scent and I’m instantly taken back to sleeping in his arms. I know I’m about to break so I turn to the door and yank it open. Before I go, I decide to say something.

“You know, Declan, I could have handled almost all of what happened between us. I could have overlooked the jealousy. I was hurt that you didn’t talk to me before jumping to conclusions, but I was raised around guys so I could relate. But what really hurt me, and what I can’t handle, is you showing up here with a lipstick stain on your shirt not twelve hours after our incredible night. Then when I track you down at your house, I see you with Sami who’s looking all smug and satisfied like she had just been freshly fucked. I may not put out, but I know what satisfaction looks like. I won’t be that girl, Declan. I told you that in the beginning and I meant it.

“There is nothing left to say except I love your sisters and I plan on living with them for awhile. I know we’ll see each other, but let’s just forget about what we failed at and be civil to each other. I won’t get in your way and hopefully we won’t be around each other more than necessary.” I know I sound weak and I can feel the tears running down my cheeks. My vision has become blurry. I need to get in my car and go, but I can’t pull my eyes from him. He looks at me with pain and hurt and I see that everything I’ve said has hit him.

“Sparkle, please listen to me. It isn’t what you think with Sami. Yes, I’m an asshole, but I didn’t sleep with her. I want you and only you. Can you please just come inside and talk to me? I’m fucking going crazy. The band has threatened to kick my ass; my sisters barely speak to me. I don’t care about any of them. I need you to believe me. Talk to me, yell at me, and hit me if you want. But please, quit shutting me out. I need you back. I’m crazy about you. Since I walked into that house last July and saw you, I felt a connection.”

“I need to go inside and you need to go home. I can’t do this.” I see his face fall, but he steps back.

“I’m not giving up. You’ve become too important to me. I’ll prove to you that we are good together.” He turns to leave, but rubs his thumbs over my cheeks to wipe my tears first.

I watch him walk away and then head into the house. Looks like my healing wounds have just re-opened.

Chapter 19

Girls’ Weekend!

For the first time in almost two weeks, I get up on Thursday morning happy. My best-friends will be here in a few hours and I need them more than I ever have.

Every day I still get some sort of present from Declan. He has sent flowers, notes, and even started sending quick text with quotes from songs; the most recent one was from Jason Mraz’s “I Won’t Give Up.” All of this is flattering and super sweet, but I’m not ready to forgive. I want this weekend to regroup and decide if I’m ready to move forward, or if I’ll give him another chance. I miss him like crazy, but I’m not sure that’s enough.

Declan has even worn his sisters down; they’re begging me to talk to him. Even though we agreed they would stay out of it, they’ve formed a two-girl crusade to have Declan and I reunited. They believe him about Sami. They’ve gone to three of his shows this last week and Sami has been banned from any interaction with Sayge.

According to Ella, Sami offered Blake a blow job just to get into the band room and he led her on. Just when she hit her knees on the bathroom floor, he told her she was a fucking whore and left her there. She stomped out and was immediately escorted out of the bar.

But even with knowing all this, I can’t seem to get my heart to mend. He hurt me and I have the next three days with my favorite girls to keep me distracted.

I get showered and dressed. Then I go to the kitchen to make breakfast. Ella’s leaning against the counter drinking coffee and she looks upset.

“Hey, honey, what’s wrong?”

“Are you ever going to talk to him again?”

“Pardon?” My stomach melts to my feet.

“Declan was just here and left a note for you and these flowers.” She motions to the huge arrangement of Stargazer lilies on the table. “He’s never acted like this before. I know he screwed up, but I’m worried.”

“What happened to staying out of it?” I ask softly.

“Rave, I’ve never seen him like this. He wouldn’t even come through the house because he was scared. He stared at your closed door from the front porch and looked lost. I want to stay out of it, but he wants you back so bad. Can you at least talk to him?”

“Yes, I’ll call him. I planned on talking to him next week after this weekend was over and I had some time with the others to figure out where my thoughts are. But if it means you’ll smile at me today, I’ll call.”

She jumps into my arms. “I know he’s an asshole, but even my dad is worried. You tainted him, Rave; you’re all he thinks about. He’s trying so hard. And as his baby sister, I want him to be happy. I don’t mean you need to take him back, but please let him know if you’re over him. It’s killing him inside.”

“Ella, don’t you think that’s weird? He’s twenty-five and hasn’t had any relationships besides us. Maybe he just isn’t used to rejection.”

“Maybe, but I think this is real for him. I think he fell hard for you and he fucked up. He knows how awesome you are and doesn’t want to lose you. But either way, you need to talk to him…” She kisses me on the cheek and flutters towards her room. “…and think about how awesome make-up sex will be.”

She doesn’t even know that I don’t know how awesome real sex can be.