Fat Cat Liar

I realize my mistake the second I walk through my door. Without ever being here, Greer still surrounds me.

My knees buckle, and I sink to the cold ground, gripping the bottle tight.

Tonight, Lawson, it has to be tonight. I tell myself over and over.

Get drunk, be an asshole, make her wish she’d never met you.

Prove that you are the arrogant son of a bitch you’ve always been.

I stare at the bottle in my hand, willing myself to open it and drink half the liquor in one gulp. Start the process, get this going.

Beads of sweat pour down my neck and back, chilling me to the bone. My mind races with nothing but thoughts of Greer and the time we’ve had together. Memories of our first date at the café when I mentally thought that Greer would be perfect for someone like Clay; I was wrong.

She’s perfect for me. Every single thing about her is perfect for me.

She’s everything I never knew I wanted and nothing I can have.

How can I salvage this when everything we’ve built has been a lie?

I chuckle into the darkness, knowing now I’m lying to myself. Because what we have is real, the most real I’ve felt in my life. It stopped being a lie a long time ago.

The depth of my feelings and affection runs so deep; I can’t deny it anymore. For the first time in my existence, I understand what true love is.

“FUCK!” I scream, dropping my head between my knees and trying to stop the panic rising in my chest. My pulse speeds rapidly, black spots fill my vision, and an icy freeze coats me.

For the second time in two days, I’m certain I’m having a heart attack, my blood vessels throbbing in my head, neck, throat, and chest. I can’t catch my breath and fall to my side. The bottle clanks to the ground, rolling away.

I gasp into the room, unable to get to my phone in my pocket.

I’m paralyzed, anxiety taking over, threatening to literally suffocate me. I close my eyes, ready for the complete darkness to take over.

I don’t know how much time passes, but when I open my eyes, my skin is tingling. The smell of Greer’s perfume on my sweater fills the air. My strength returns, and I’m able to push into a sitting position as my head clears.

She’s yours, Lawson.

Don’t lose her.

I bolt to my feet, stumbling a little to catch my balance. This isn’t happening.

My fingers fly over the keypad, hoping like hell she’s still awake.

Baby, I’m coming home. Unlock your door.

The bubbles appear instantly, then her message arrives.

Okay, honey. Be safe. See you soon.

Okay Honey…

Be Safe…

See you soon…

Seven words set my body flooding with relief.

I rush to my truck and speed like hell through the city to get to her. Once in the elevator of our building, I force myself to breathe deep, to calm down. She can’t see me like this.

When the elevator dings and I step out, Greer’s door cracks open and she peeks her head out. I make it to her in four long strides, pushing the door open and, at the same time, pulling her into me.