Nice Buns (Cheap Thrills 7)

“Oh,” Jacinda said over her shoulder, having heard Tabby’s question, “he saw a lot. In fact, while Rose was digging it out, he had to hold the skin in place and keep it tight.

“At least he has that word associated with your underworld, Evie. That’s always a good thing.”

Stepping away from me, Tabby stared at the part of my anatomy in question. “Where exactly was the splinter?”

“Splinter?” I spluttered. “It was practically half of one of those fucking posts.” I pointed at the fence, and they all winced as they saw one of the ones with a jagged edge at the top. “It ended up being five inches long when Rose got it out and measured it.”

Crossing her arms in front of her, Sayla pursed her lips. “In man inches, or real inches?”

“Real inches. It went in here”—I pointed at my thigh, roughly three inches away from my mound—“and came out here.”

I knew exactly where the place it’d come out was because it still had a bandage over it. Apparently, the friction of underwear, jeans, and pants meant it was healing more slowly than my thigh had. Fucker!

“Damn,” Tabby hissed as the other two women whistled. “Had you shaved before it, or did he get a full bush in the face? See, that also makes a difference.

“If you’re going to have an accident where it’s like vag in the face to save your life, you want it to be trimmed and sitting pretty.”

She had a point.

“But with you being single, there’s every possibility you hadn’t tamed the devil recently, and he had to part the hair so Rose could save your life.”

At my silence, all of them looked horrified for me.

Pulling her hair off her face, Jacinda gasped, “You mean…”

Holding my hand up, I shook my head rapidly. “Sorry, I was just picturing a guy having to do that, like looking for a tick on a hairy dog. No, I’d shaved that morning because I was planning to go in the pool, and the weather was too warm for anything but shorts.

“If it’d happened the day before, though, it would have been bad.” Frowning at the memory, I sighed, “You know, I felt like Gulliver that day. The hairs looked like little people getting sucked down the drain, and it made me feel guilty.”

“Gulliver?” Sayla repeated, looking at me like I’d lost my mind.

“I think she means Gulliver’s Travels, where he gets stuck on an island with tiny people on it,” Tabby explained, nodding her head. “I feel you. I sometimes wave and wish them a happy journey as they get sucked down the drainpipe.”

Then, without even pausing, she clapped her hands together loudly. “Now, are we jumping, bitches, or what?”

Both Jacinda and Sayla had smaller tits than we did, so I shot Tabby a sympathetic look. “Good luck to your boobs.”

“And good luck to yours, my titty friend.”

We both found out quickly that either alcohol loosened up your chest muscles and made those ta-tas jiggle, or the bras we had on at that moment were the worst possible for a trampoline. Even clamping one hand over them didn’t solve the problem completely.

Sober, we would have stopped, but drunk, the second Jump Around started playing through the speakers, we gave it our all, regardless of the pain.

Then again, sober, I probably would have realized my neighbor was home, standing with his son and laughing his ass off at my problem.

Chapter Four

Alex

“Gulliver’s Travels?” DB snickered, nudging me with his elbow. “You didn’t tell me you had to put your hand on her crotch, Dad.”

I didn’t say anything. I just continued to listen to my drunken neighbor tell the ladies about splintergate. I could confirm she’d shaved the area perfectly, I just wouldn’t say it out loud.

And then she started bouncing on that damn trampoline.

Evie and Cody were pretty quiet as far as neighbors went, and I had no issues with her listening to music and laughing with her friends. People needed to let their hair down now and then, so more power to her.

What I did mind was the fact I couldn’t take my eyes off her chest as she jumped on the trampoline. It was almost hypnotic. I was mildly irritated when she put her arm over them, until I realized it made them almost pop over the top of her tank top when she bounced.

“I’m worried Tabby’s gonna fall over the edge,” DB murmured, his eyes focused on his wife. “Maybe I should record this so I can laugh at her with it in the morning?”

“Send it to me.” I wouldn’t be laughing at it, that’s for sure, but if he took a video, I wanted it.

I recognized the song when it changed, and if I thought it was torture before watching her jump, it was even worse now as she raised her hands in the air and did it faster.