Courage (Heroes of Big Sky 1)

She stares at me for a minute and then shakes her head as if in disbelief.

I have a feeling I’m not going to like this.

“You know, you can be a jerk sometimes.”

“Oh, for sure.” There’s no point in denying it. I can be a jerk. “But this time, I’m not sure what I was a jerk about.”

“I was scared,” she begins and stands from the table to pace.

It’s never a good sign when a woman paces as she chews your ass.

“You got thrown by an explosion, and you were just lying there on the ground. Lifeless. No one was checking to see if you were okay. So, I ran over.”

I cross my arms and let her rant.

“And you basically brushed me off like I was an annoying little gnat.”

“That’s not what I did.”

“Yes, it is, Sam. You told me to go to my house. That you’d talk to me later. Which you didn’t do, by the way. You let the kids snuggle up to you and get all cozy, ate the food I made you, and then you went and slept soundly in my bed while I tossed and turned all night because I was damn mad at you.”

She sniffs and shakes her head in frustration.

“I don’t even know why I’m crying over you. You’re so not worth it. Not one single tear.”

“I didn’t brush you off. You were in the middle of a fire zone, Tash. It was dangerous. I was disoriented, and you were there, where you weren’t supposed to be.”

“I get it. I wasn’t supposed to be there.”

“I had a job to do. I couldn’t console you or pat you on the head in that moment. I had to put out a goddamn fire.”

“I didn’t want you to pat me on the head!”

“Then what did you want? Because all I knew was that I was in the middle of one of the worst fires I’ve seen in town, and you were right there in the middle of it with me.”

“I wanted to make sure that you were okay,” she insists.

“I told you I was.” I hold my hands out at my sides, completely clueless as to why this made her so mad. “And I told you that you couldn’t be there because it wasn’t safe. I wasn’t lying. It was damn dangerous, and I wanted you out of there.”

“Yes, you made that perfectly clear.”

“Listen up, sweetheart. I refuse to apologize for needing to keep you safe. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

“You’re such a caveman.”

“And you’re everything,” I retort with frustration. “You’re fucking everything that matters, goddamn it. So, yes, I’m a motherfucking caveman because I want to protect you. Fine. I’ll wear that label. And the next time I tell you that you can’t be somewhere for your own safety, you’ll damn well follow orders, or I’ll move you myself. Is that understood?”

She blinks at me and then shrugs one shoulder. “Don’t worry, I won’t put myself in that position again.”

“Tash, what in the hell?”

“You hurt my feelings,” she admits and crosses her arms over her chest. “All damn day, that’s all you did. You told me to leave, to go to my house. And then later, you let the kids cuddle you, but when I wanted some alone time, you brushed me off and went to bed. Yes,” she interrupts before I can speak, “I know you were tired. But damn it, I was scared. And I wanted some time with you, and you turned away.”

“Not on purpose.” I cross to her, but she doesn’t open her arms. So, I just wrap mine around her and hold her against me. “I was so fucking tired, I didn’t know what was going on. I certainly wasn’t alert enough to see that you were hurt, and I’m sorry for that.”

“Well, I—”

“I’m not done,” I continue and kiss her forehead. “I’m sorry for all of it, except the part where I told you to leave a fire scene. I should have said I’ll see you at home later. And, thank you for being so worried that you almost took Martinez’s arm off in trying to get to me. I think he has a sprained shoulder.”

“I’m not sorry,” she says and sniffs against my chest.

“I have an idea.” I pick her up easily and head for the bedroom. “We can snuggle right now. The kids are at school, and we’re all alone. No one to interrupt us.”

She immediately buries her face in my neck and holds on tightly. “Who said I wanted to cuddle with a caveman?”

I laugh and carry her through the bedroom door, then lower her to the bed.

“We don’t have to snuggle on the bed,” she says but doesn’t complain when I lie down with her and pull her against me, her head resting on my chest. “Okay, this is nice.”