Say Yes (Nostalgic Summer Romance)

“How can you say that?” I whispered. “How can you… believe that?”

Liam didn’t answer, just shook his head and looked away from me again.

“Life is a gift,” I said, carefully approaching him. I wrapped my fingers around his, needing connection, needing him to feel me since he wouldn’t look at me. “And yes, it hurts. It hurts more often than not. But we endure, and we live, because it’s all we have. Isn’t that what you’ve been telling me all summer?”

“I said that for you, not for me.”

“Well, I’m saying it for you, now. This moment, this life, this,” I said, motioning between us. “Is all we have.”

“I don’t want it.”

Liam pulled his eyes to meet mine, his eyes glossed with unshed tears, jaw trembling — but his gaze held steady.

“I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t ask for the pain, and the guilt, and the fucking hellish monotony of just getting by.” He choked on those last words, the tears welling in his eyes so much now that I was sure I was nothing but a blur. “I didn’t ask for the agony of trying to move on when it feels like I’m forever stuck in that nightmare, like it will just replay itself, over and over, day after day, until I’m not here anymore.”

Tears sprang in my own eyes, and I squeezed his hand tighter. “Liam…”

“I wish it was me,” he whispered, rolling his lips between his teeth as he nodded vigorously, like he’d just realized a truth he’d been running from for years. “I wish it was me who was dead.”

I closed my eyes, releasing the tears. “You don’t mean that,” I said softly, blinking my eyes open once more. “Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have bombarded you like this. I know you’re hurting, and everything came on so fast.”

He shook his head. “It’s not you. This has nothing to do with you.”

“Please, I’m sorry,” I begged, and I could feel it all slipping away, like no matter how I tried to hold onto him, it was useless now. “Let’s go for a walk. Let’s get some fresh air and we can talk about this.”

“I don’t want to talk. I want you to leave.”

My face twisted in despair, and I shook my head as more tears fell. “You don’t mean that. You don’t—”

“I want you to go.”

“Liam, please—”

“I WANT YOU TO GO, HARLEY!”

I retracted my hand from his, flying back across the room like his scream had been a slap to the face. I covered my mouth with my hands, shaking my head as my tears fell faster than I could fight to keep them at bay.

“Go. Leave,” he said again, backing me into the door. “I don’t want you here. Okay?”

“Why are you doing this?” I whispered, sniffing as I let my hands fall to my sides. “You’re pushing me away.”

“I told you before we did this, before we did any of this,” he said, waving his hand around. “That I was fucked up. It’s not my fault you didn’t believe me. I left my own mother, Harley. My fiancée. And you think I have anything left to give you?”

“But you said you wanted it, too,” I whispered. “You said you couldn’t stay away from me, you said you needed—”

“Yeah, well, I say a lot of things when I’m horny.”

My jaw hinged open at that, and I shook my head, watching him like he was a completely mad stranger I’d stumbled upon in the park, rather than the boy I’d spent the whole summer with. This wasn’t him and I knew it.

But I couldn’t pull the real him out. Only he could do that.

“That’s what you want me to believe?” I asked. “That you’ve only said the things you’ve said to me and spent so many days and nights with me because you wanted to get laid?”

He shrugged, but he couldn’t look at me when he did it. It soured my gut and strangled my next breath to think what he said could be even remotely true.

After a long moment, I wiped my nose with the back of my wrist. “You’re right, I didn’t believe you when you said you were fucked up,” I said. “And I don’t believe you now when you say you don’t love me, either.”

His nostrils flared, jaw muscle ticking under the taut skin as he watched me. “Well, I don’t.”

I let my head fall back against the door, watching him for a long moment before I stood straight again. “You are a sad boy, Liam Benson.” I wet my lips, tasting the salty tears there. “This is what you really want? You want me to leave? You want to throw insults at me and diminish what we have to just sex? You want to throw away everything because you’re... what? Scared to even try?”