Hell (Black Heart Romance)

I’m starting to feel a little woozy, and it’s getting hard to breathe. I need some fresh air. The room is too steamy, and I can’t pull in a decent breath.

“Rowan?” Now Lucian is looking at me, studying me with a scowl twisting his usually handsome features. “What’s wrong with you?”

Everything. That’s what I want to say because that’s the answer. Everything is wrong with me. As wrong as it can be. Just when I think I’m getting ahead. Just when I think things are finally starting to go my way, something always happens. Something gets fucked up. It’s not even my fault this time—I was as careful as I could be, but Eric found me anyway.

And now Lucian is mad at me. He’s going to take away the money, and I won’t even be able to afford my crappy little apartment anymore. What am I going to do? How am I supposed to make it through this?

He catches me before I hit the floor. My legs are shaky, my knees weak. He sits me on the edge of the tub, then crouches in front of me. “Breathe. That’s all you have to do right now. Breathe.”

But I can’t, and I can’t tell him I can’t. All I can do is shake my head.

He wraps a towel around me, lifts me in his arms, and carries me into the bedroom. In the back of my mind, fear takes hold. So he does want sex. I should’ve known. My panic only rises, and all I can do is breathe in tiny little gasps.

He sets me down, then opens the nearest window. A rush of cool air flows toward me, making goose bumps rise on my damp skin. But it’s nice. Refreshing.

“All you have to do is breathe. That’s all you need to do right now. In and out, slowly.” He stands in front of me, arms folded, and I can’t help but think I’m only pissing him off more than ever. He so impatient, and I know his time is valuable. I’ve already wasted enough of it today.

Dear god. What am I supposed to do? How do I get out of this?

“Are you in pain?” I shake my head because I’m not. “Good. Anything else, we can deal with.”

That’s what he thinks. He’s not in my place. Wondering what the hell is going on through the head of the person in front of him. What the rest of his life is going to look like. Whether he’s going to be out on the street.

“Lie down. Relax.” He walks around the bed while I do as he says, gingerly stretching out while still wrapped in the towel. It’s like lying on a cloud, absolutely luxurious, even nicer than the soak in the tub. If I had a bed like this, I would never leave it.

I can’t help but flinch at his touch. He climbed into the bed without me noticing, and he isn’t wearing his suit jacket anymore. He slides one arm under me, draping the other over the top of me, and pulls me a little closer.

All I do is wait. It’s inevitable; his touch will change. His arms will tighten, and maybe he’ll clamp a hand over my mouth. For all I know, this is turning him on, knowing how defenseless I feel. How scared I am. I’m not putting it on this time, either. This isn’t for show. I’m genuinely scared out of my mind.

“Relax. I’m not going to bite you.” Is that humor in his voice? I can’t tell. If it is, he’s laughing at me, but I don’t care. It’s better than him being so angry.

“Sorry. I’m just upset.”

“You don’t have to apologize for being upset. You’ve been through a lot. I have to admit, I had forgotten about you being so hard to find online. Now that you’ve explained the situation, I wonder how I didn’t put it together for myself.”

Why would he think that much about me in the first place? I want to ask, but I don’t dare. I can’t shake the feeling of there being an invisible line between us, one I don’t dare cross. But that’s the thing about invisible lines: if they’re invisible, you don’t know where they are or when you’ve crossed them.

Not until it’s too late.

“All you have to do now is rest. You have nothing to be afraid of here. Tell me you understand that.”

Sure, but it will be a lie. Just about everything about Lucian scares me—most especially the fact that he was the first person I thought of when I got home after the mall. Wondering if I could or should reach out to him. Whether it would be okay to ask him for help — and whether I could afford the payment in return. That was what stopped me, knowing he doesn’t do anything for free. I didn’t want to end up indebted to him even further since God knows what I’d have to do to pay it off.